We all know that there is only so much we can take. At some point (mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, existentially, etc.), we reach our limit. Hit the ceiling. Max out our capacity.
A couple of weeks ago I was feeling cranky and said so to a co-worker. She immediately suggested I take a day of PTO (paid time off). She even suggested putting in for a day that was right before my alternate day off. (I work 9-hour days so I can have one day off every other week. That alternate day off saves me.) Brilliant! I did as instructed, haha.
So my day of PTO was last week. When I first scheduled it, I planned on unpacking. Then, as it got closer, I thought I'd use the day to take care of two tasks that I've been dragging out and that have been weighing on my mind. Friends, I used the day to sleep. I got 12 hours of sleep the night before, and I took a 3 - 4 hour nap that day. I know I can sleep a lot, but that is not normal.
I realized: I am depressed. Like, actually, low grade clinical depression. It makes sense if I consider the last year. The last 15 years.
So here I am again. Run down. Again. Low energy, low mood, inability to focus. Sleeping a lot. Seriously, it feels like all I've been doing is working and sleeping. But, hey, I have a job I like and I also feel rested after I sleep so there's that. Those are not small things.
It's just so much.
The demands of life. The cost of living. The constraints on our time. The changing social norms.
It's a lot.
I see it in everyone. I feel it in myself.
I reached out to my best friend. I texted her and said I was depressed. She texted me back and said she was so tired of doing all of the things she has to do. She said she was prioritizing doing things that made her happy. And then she sent me a pic of some amazing gumbo she and her husband had just made. Oh man, I wanted some of that gumbo so bad.
She's right. I know I've been out of balance for a long time. Some time periods are like that.
But I have to start doing more of what makes me happy.
My mental health depends on it.
have dinner with a friend
Sending you (((hugs))). Moving is stressful; no wonder you're tired! (And the recent time change does not help!) Glad you have thought of a few things you can focus on to lift your spirits.
ReplyDeleteFor me, just getting out of the house can help. I'm a homebody, and I love finding time to get into a book, but sometimes a change of scenery (even if it's just the supermarket, lol) can help!
I agree. I'm a homebody too, but leaving the house can help! At the very least, it's always awesome to come back home, haha.
DeleteI think I'm still adjusting to full-time employment. I loved working part-time for several years, but it just wasn't sustainable.
Here comes a hug from Switzerland, too.
ReplyDelete2026 has been a very tired year for me as well, even though my work load is much smaller than yours. I think some of it has to do with the state of the world (I know I'm not the only one) and in my case, also with changes in my personal microcosmos. For you, at least a part of the exhaustion seems very natural and understandable. You have gone through a lot of changes, exhausting ones, and you are working SO hard! Also, the darker days of the year are here. Yesterday, it was so foggy that we stayed in a sort of twilight all day long, which can be tiring, too.
Focusing on the little happy things is an excellent idea. If you feel too tired to do something "big", try something small instead that takes less energy, but still brings joy.
I will be thinking of you <3!
Elaine, you are so kind. Thank you for the validation. 2026 has been a lot of work. I'm going to see if I can coast for the rest of the year.
DeleteIt's funny that you recommend trying something small. I just bought some new markers and I love coloring with them so much. :)