tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post8708471647713390355..comments2024-03-27T15:50:43.971-07:00Comments on Infertile Phoenix: I Don't Have Unlimited ResourcesInfertile Phoenixhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11033358612204465661noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-57263884722180703232018-03-28T11:43:36.185-07:002018-03-28T11:43:36.185-07:00It's never our duty to educate others, but it ...It's never our duty to educate others, but it is a service we can provide if we are feeling up for it in the moment. But honestly, we should always take care of ourselves first. Please never feel like you *have* to explain it all to the ignorant masses. <3Infertile Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11033358612204465661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-62761478224777430182018-03-25T10:03:49.917-07:002018-03-25T10:03:49.917-07:00Amen. Biting my tongue and taking a deep breathe t...Amen. Biting my tongue and taking a deep breathe to educate the ignorant one is something I've been focusing on doing (then going home and talking about the C U Next Tuesdays that said such ignorant shit to me) as the more I can get folks to realize the truth, the less they'll be likely to repeat that crap to others like us. Everyone told me - including my doctor - that the rates for donor egg IVF were 50% for one embryo and 80% for two. Turns out they conveniently forgot to include "GREATER" to those stats, meaning, your odds with a donor egg are 50-80% GREATER. So if you did DEIVF at 41 like I did, and your eggs were shit so you had a 1% chance of conceiving naturally, a donor is only going to increase your odds to (doing the math of 1 x 1.8, a toughie!), under 2%. Once I learned that I realized that my 6 rounds were a massive waste of time and my one miscarriage from round 4 was truly the miracle, the miracle that the embryo even dared to implant. The anger towards the clinics who blatantly lie about success rates and take the money of forty-something women is something I've tried to breathe through, but never goes away, so all I can do is try to educate the ignorant to help others who come after us.Aimeehttp://www.theecofeminist.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-22811883989483696392018-02-02T08:36:57.661-08:002018-02-02T08:36:57.661-08:00Ok, so it's not just me that people don't ...Ok, so it's not just me that people don't believe? Wow, the fertility industry really has everyone fooled.Infertile Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11033358612204465661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-20739974759223769742018-02-02T03:32:24.920-08:002018-02-02T03:32:24.920-08:00When I say that the best possible scenario 'pa...When I say that the best possible scenario 'pass rate' for ivf is usually MAXIMUM 28%, and my chances were 5%. I always get a very sceptical look as if I'm inventing the most far-fetched rubbish.... https://differentshoresblog.wordpress.com/https://www.blogger.com/profile/16936131757889957955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-26219856985998056252018-01-31T19:01:43.454-08:002018-01-31T19:01:43.454-08:00Exactly!!! Throughout the conversation my friend k...Exactly!!! Throughout the conversation my friend kept saying "I had no idea," to which I said, "Why would you?" This isn't common knowledge and it's certainly not what is conveyed in the media. I also told her that everyone *thinks* they know what they would do in my situation, but no one really knows what they would do until they're in it. There's just so much misinformation out there. Even a year ago I couldn't have advocated for the infertile population. But now I will do it every now and then, when I feel like it.Infertile Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11033358612204465661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-91739525810034367672018-01-31T18:55:30.249-08:002018-01-31T18:55:30.249-08:00Thank you Loribeth. This is a friend from school a...Thank you Loribeth. This is a friend from school and she is very young. I don't know why she relayed what her boyfriend said about me, but I chalk it up to immaturity and not knowing any better. Yeah, my response to "I wish I could do something" just came to me in the moment. I was pretty satisfied with it too, so at least there's that!Infertile Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11033358612204465661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-43414042135077117082018-01-31T01:41:24.042-08:002018-01-31T01:41:24.042-08:00I'm glad you explained and took the opportunit...I'm glad you explained and took the opportunity to educate; I think it's the best we can do - I hope she passed it on to the boyfriend. You're right about it being draining, which is why we sometimes just don't bother. It's exhausting. I had a friend (with 3 kids) who said to me after I'd told her about my endo etc, "Just do ivf!". It was said very brightly and without malice but I just thought, f-off you cretin. I'm 38 with stage 4 endo and a zero AMH. You know nothing. Unfortunately it's simple lack of knowledge. I have other very intelligent friends who think the success rate of ivf is 90%. It's just an area that no one reads about until they have to. As for adoption .... don't get me started.... Different Shoreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01552043510975777003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-77732400406953799072018-01-30T16:23:16.933-08:002018-01-30T16:23:16.933-08:00Ugh, I am so sorry that you got hit with that. Bad...Ugh, I am so sorry that you got hit with that. Bad enough that the guy said it, but did his girlfriend have to share it with you? I think you handled the situation beautifully, and I especially loved your response when she said she wished she could do something (must file that one away for future reference...!). loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-45169605413386015022018-01-29T19:57:41.089-08:002018-01-29T19:57:41.089-08:00Hahaha, thank you Jess! I didn't even realize ...Hahaha, thank you Jess! I didn't even realize what a platitude "I wish there was something I could do" really is. I was just so mad in the moment. There I was, trusting her with this conversation topic, and she shared the shitty thing her boyfriend said about me. I wanted to scream. Have you not been listening?? I finally ended the conversation by saying, "Not everyone who wants to parent gets to." It was honestly draining. I won't be engaging in that topic with anyone from the fertile world again for awhile. Infertile Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11033358612204465661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-62041541105265998152018-01-29T19:51:13.490-08:002018-01-29T19:51:13.490-08:00Thank you Mali. It honestly sucked hearing her say...Thank you Mali. It honestly sucked hearing her say that. All I could think was, if it was a year ago or two years ago or even further back, I would have fallen apart. As it was, I still had nightmares that night about trying to become a mother. I just get so frustrated with other people's nonchalance coupled with harsh judgment when it comes to infertility. I may never understand why my infertility brings out such strong opinions from other people.Infertile Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11033358612204465661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-57605553442231068022018-01-29T16:51:47.794-08:002018-01-29T16:51:47.794-08:00I'm glad you are here, too! It's unbelieva...I'm glad you are here, too! It's unbelievable to me how people don't realize that sometimes they should just keep their opinions to themselves. How someone could look at anyone's journey and pontificate on how they'd do it differently if is beyond me. You don't know until you're there, making those decisions, facing the hell that is infertility. I hope your friend shares the education with her boyfriend and anyone else who might say something real dumb. I love that, "I don't have unlimited resources." And that it can mean money, or emotional wherewithal, or physical stamina to keep riding that merry go round, knowing that NOTHING has guarantees. I love that you took advantage of the situation and offered an action plan to the often platitude-y "I wish there was something I can do." Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-19920977939364119642018-01-28T17:37:36.557-08:002018-01-28T17:37:36.557-08:00I too am glad you're still here. And glad that...I too am glad you're still here. And glad that you took the opportunity to educate your friend - and hopefully in turn, educate her boyfriend - in terms of the realities (resources needed, fallibility of IVF, adoption is decidedly not easy, nor is it guaranteed, etc), and in terms of what is painful to say. I'm just sorry you had to hear it first.Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-17782085291279537612018-01-27T10:44:59.673-08:002018-01-27T10:44:59.673-08:00Hahaha, thank you!!
Me too, Klara. I am glad I a...Hahaha, thank you!! <br /><br />Me too, Klara. I am glad I am still here. Life is starting to get good again. I am looking forward to getting a job in my new profession and moving to a new city that my husband and I can have fun exploring together.<br /><br />I am glad you are still here too. <3Infertile Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11033358612204465661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3354761566702250657.post-36253435593193093652018-01-27T09:36:21.433-08:002018-01-27T09:36:21.433-08:00I am glad you are still here!
There is a proverb...I am glad you are still here! <br /><br />There is a proverb in my language: "Kar te ne ubije, te okrepi." ... "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." <br /><br />I know, silly people having opinions on just about everything. Klarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17028863974858724867noreply@blogger.com