Right now I am enjoying a moment where I can just pause and take a slow, deep breath.
I have officially finished the first year of my graduate-level healthcare program.
The even better part is... Let the countdown begin!!!
Let's wrap up another year of coursework, pack up what's left of my stuff, and move out of state! There are so many more opportunities for me where I'm going. Where I am now would be perfect if I was raising children. But I'm not. So I'm moving somewhere else to live a different life.
The last five years were awful. I didn't know what to do, but I knew no one was gonna do anything for me. I had to dig really fucking deep to come up with any ideas for what to do with the rest of my life. Every day was a struggle. Every step was nearly impossible. Every single thing was just so fucking HARD. But I kept getting up (most days, not all) and putting one foot in front of the other. And now I can see a future I will enjoy, a future where I can be of service to others.
It is still distant, but I can see it. And I will keep going.
Well done! Congrats on finishing your first year! One more to go?
ReplyDeleteThank you!! One year down, one more year to go!
DeleteBrava for you! Congratulations on all you've achieved (and I'm not just talking about your academics), and here's to the next year going quickly for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mali. My family and friends are happy for me, but only this community understands what I've been through and what it took to get to this point. <3
DeleteGood for you, and glad you appreciate and honor your bleaker moments. Putting one foot infant of the other in the darkness is where our real strength lies, I've come to believe. Fashioning a new life is not easy - I speak from the trenches myself. 3.5 years out of treatments, I'm just starting to see a few flickers myself.
ReplyDeleteAs always, I agree with you. :) It is very important to honor the dark times. You can't deal with what you aren't acknowledging.
DeleteYour blog was the first blog about life after infertility that I found. Then I proceeded to read it from start to finish. I could have read it all in a couple of days, but I made myself space out reading your entries so it would last longer. Your blog was like meeting a new friend, and, for a long time, I felt like you were the only woman that understood me. You really were a big part of my healing and I will always be grateful. Thank you so, so much. <3
Congratulations, that's amazing! How wonderful to be on the downslide of your courses, to see this new life approaching on the horizon. I'm so glad you can see a future you can enjoy, a future that's different than what you'd worked so hard for and imagined so fully but that can be amazing and fulfilling and full of promise. Here's to moving forward!
ReplyDeleteYes, the future I am looking toward is completely different than the one my husband and I originally worked so hard for. Different geographic location, different career, and, of course, no kids. For the first couple of years I thought it was impossible to ever be happy, excited, or inspired again. Thankfully, that was not the case. Thank you for your positive words. :)
Delete(Belated) Congratulations! :) I love the hope and optimism that I hear in your voice when I read this. It can be done!! ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you!! That was my intention in writing this post- to share with others what can be possible.
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