I've stopped doing Word of the Year. I did it for several years, but my interest in it and feeling connected to the whole idea just decreased. So I let it go. That said, I still love SelfLoveRainbow's word of the year for 2024. You can see the graphic she created for it at the end of this post.
How is your February going?
Mine is okay. A pre-holiday breakup when he is still living here almost two months later is very challenging, but it has also given us time to support each other, communicate, and let go. That all sounds very nice, but it has been very messy and hard.
But infertility taught me to deal with reality and this is my reality right now.
I've always shared honestly here. I've written about my shame with infertility, my embarrassment, my jealous thoughts, and my dark feelings, in addition to my realizations, changes, growth, and renewed enthusiasm. I've tried not to share too many details when writing about others and their stories as I'm writing about my own experiences. I've written about sooo many loved ones (family and friends) and not always in a positive light. For me or for them. But I didn't know how else to deal with infertility. I was at a loss and I was trying to save my life.
I really want this blog to remain anonymous.
(Side note: Does anyone else have a problem with the word hope? It makes me cringe. I went to write, "I really hope this blog remains anonymous," but I am no longer on friendly terms with the word "hope" and it is very difficult for me to write or say it. There's a blog post for another day...)
I really want this blog to remain anonymous.
I have awesome news to share. My proposal to present my research at a national conference was accepted! This means I will get to talk about the international study I got to do about the lived experience of involuntary childlessness after infertility. I am excited to share my research with others, but the best part is this will lead to the research getting published! Then other people can find it, cite it, and build on it!! I am ecstatic. And so, so thankful for the opportunity to conduct research for our community.
So back to my anonymity...
My research is tied to my name. I am the primary author. There is no mention of the blog, but it would not be hard to put the two together if you know of one and discovered the other.
So... If you ever recognize me out there in the world, please protect my blog's anonymity. Feel free to share it as a resource because I have written very honestly and it may help others feel less alone, but please do not connect it with my real name.
And if my mom or one of my sisters or one of my friends ever does find my blog and read an unfavorable post, I will own up to it. And they will probably give me grace. They all saw me when I was walking death. I'm sure they will allow me this space to grieve and grow.
But it's fine if that never happens! :) I'd like to stay anonymous.
Thank you.
I completely understand. I'm no longer completely anonymous, due to a) telling friends and a family member, and b) being quoted in my real name in national articles etc. But I continue to blog as if I am. lol (I don't believe the family member who knows about the blog reads it any more. I don't link my regular blog (A Separate Life) with my No Kidding blog, so the friends and family that have access to that (very few read, I'm sure) don't have direct links to NKinNZ. Like you, I'd own up to what I've written. But I'd rather not have to!
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome about your research! Ahhh anonymity. I didn't do that from the beginning, but also it hamstrings me and I can't write about things that happened with my family. I can totally understand but wanting to cross your blog and research, because people can find you. Hopefully you can remain anonymous! I think we should totally be given grace for things written in the Dark Times.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand this too. About 10 years ago, my 2nd cousin found my blog -- she Googled an obscure detail about my grandparents' wedding and up popped a post I'd written about it! -- AND she posted a link to it on our family FB group!! Luckily, I'm one of the group admins & I got a notification and was able to delete the post within about 20 minutes, but I know a couple of people saw it, including my mom's cousin (who started following my blog! -- I had to block her...!). I messaged her to explain that my blog was private (well, sort of...! -- that particular post might have been of interest to the family and okay for them to read, but there's obviously a lot more that I would prefer they never saw...!) and I'd never intended it to be read by family members -- and she apologized -- but it really freaked me out. I took down my blog for a week or so until I thought things had settled down, and I posted a disclaimer in the sidebar, basically asking anyone from my "real life" who found my blog to respect my privacy and not mention it to anyone else, as you have here. I removed that a little while back. I don't think I'd be QUITE so freaked out these days if someone found it... but I'm still not handing out the URL, lol. I've tried to be careful with what I've written about family members & friends, but I'm sure some people would still take exception to some of the things I've said.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the acceptance of your proposal to present your research at a national conference! I am so proud of you. Thank you for doing this work <3.
ReplyDeleteIn order for our blogs to be relevant to ourselves and others, I think it is essential that we can process some very personal things in writing that maybe we wouldn't want to see published under our real names. The people closest to us can sometimes hurt us the most, too – another reason why anonymity is important, at least to me. So I completely understand. I want to stay anonymous as well ;-).