Sunday, April 16, 2017


I've been so angry for the last couple of weeks.
I don't really like anger. It doesn't feel good, and it's kind of exhausting.

But school is full of so much busy work! I strongly believe you are never too old to go back to school, but I also often think, "I'm too old for this." Some of the assignments and projects have no professional value, yet they are tedious and a complete waste of my time.

So that's part of it.

But when I'm feeling angry for a sustained period of time, I try to think about what it's really about.

Five years ago this month my husband and I stopped using contraception. Oh... That...
The body never seems to forget.

I thought I'd get pregnant. I thought I'd have a baby. I thought I would be raising a child by now.

So I'm just doing the best I can. Trying to get my work done, trying to take care of myself. Definitely making sure I eat and get plenty of rest. I know life is hard, whether you're working and/or going to school and/or raising children. I know I'm lucky I get to study for a new career. I know it is a great opportunity. But sometimes I get sick of looking on the bright side. And, like I said, I've been feeling angry lately.

I worked all weekend long and I wasn't studying anything terribly interesting, but it all had to get done anyway. So tonight I decided to treat myself to an exceptionally good dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. Everyone was busy, including my husband, so I went by myself. I enjoyed the atmosphere of the restaurant and savored the food. I even purposely over-ordered so I would have leftovers for tomorrow, because tomorrow is going to be an extremely busy day without a lunch break. (Yay classes, meetings, and group projects...)

And at the end of my delicious meal, which I thoroughly enjoyed, the waitress said, "You've been the happiest person I've waited on all night. You just exude such a happy energy."

Wow. I didn't see that coming. I guess I'm doing something right.

Now I'm feeling thankful and I'm ready for the week.


  1. what a lovely comment! Good for you!

  2. I LOVE that you went to a favourite restaurant for dinner! We should always feel that we can treat ourselves.

    I am sorry you have been feeling angry. It's understandable, and I think a necessary phase we go through in our recovery and healing. This time last year I was stressed and angry after my mother's death, and it is a horrible emotion.

    I have to admit too, though, that your comments about academia and the "make-work" type of assignment is one of the things that has always put me off about the idea of going back to study further.

  3. That is lovely. It's true that when you're happy, you kind of spread happiness around you.. something I should take note of myself. I wish there was a way of just shutting out anger. Maybe what you did is the way to do it: just take yourself off and do something nice. I actually like going for a meal or going to see a film on my own when I'm in the right mood: it can totally elevate your spirits.

  4. Good for you for taking this time to care for yourself! It must have been one heck of a meal! :)

  5. The waitress is so nice. Big hugs to you. You are in my thoughts often.

  6. I too love that you took yourself out for a nice dinner! :) I used to do that as a student, & I occasionally used to go to a sit-down restaurant (vs the food court) alone for lunch when I was working... it was always a nice treat. :)

  7. aw such a nice comment to hear. That was such a good idea to go to the restaurant and do something nice for yourself!