Angry

I've been so angry for the last couple of weeks.
I don't really like anger. It doesn't feel good, and it's kind of exhausting.

But school is full of so much busy work! I strongly believe you are never too old to go back to school, but I also often think, "I'm too old for this." Some of the assignments and projects have no professional value, yet they are tedious and a complete waste of my time.

So that's part of it.

But when I'm feeling angry for a sustained period of time, I try to think about what it's really about.

Five years ago this month my husband and I stopped using contraception. Oh... That...
The body never seems to forget.

I thought I'd get pregnant. I thought I'd have a baby. I thought I would be raising a child by now.

So I'm just doing the best I can. Trying to get my work done, trying to take care of myself. Definitely making sure I eat and get plenty of rest. I know life is hard, whether you're working and/or going to school and/or raising children. I know I'm lucky I get to study for a new career. I know it is a great opportunity. But sometimes I get sick of looking on the bright side. And, like I said, I've been feeling angry lately.

I worked all weekend long and I wasn't studying anything terribly interesting, but it all had to get done anyway. So tonight I decided to treat myself to an exceptionally good dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. Everyone was busy, including my husband, so I went by myself. I enjoyed the atmosphere of the restaurant and savored the food. I even purposely over-ordered so I would have leftovers for tomorrow, because tomorrow is going to be an extremely busy day without a lunch break. (Yay classes, meetings, and group projects...)

And at the end of my delicious meal, which I thoroughly enjoyed, the waitress said, "You've been the happiest person I've waited on all night. You just exude such a happy energy."

Wow. I didn't see that coming. I guess I'm doing something right.

Now I'm feeling thankful and I'm ready for the week.