I woke up this morning and I already knew I needed a break. I could just feel it. I am just so tired of fertile people going on about their lives, making the comments that they make and doing the annoying things that they do.
I was eating breakfast and checked social media and the first thing I see is my aunt posting about her newest grandchild being born. I didn't even know one of my cousin's wife's was pregnant. I don't even know who had the baby. I quickly unfollowed my aunt so I won't have to scroll through any more newborn pics than I'd already seen.
Then I go to school where one professor talks, I swear to God, for an hour about her kids and her parenting style. No, it wasn't on topic for the day's lecture. Oh my god. Can't I just get a break?? This is the same professor who was supposed to email us something last night but told us it was one of her kid's birthdays that day and so she probably wouldn't have time. Oh really? So if I'm celebrating my anniversary with my husband or my dog's birthday or something else that is important to me, let me guess, I won't have the option of turning something in late, will I?
Because the only thing anyone seems to freaking care about is whether or not you have children!
Right now I am mad and sad and frustrated. There are several contributing factors, most of them school-related because the program I'm in is chaotic and unorganized and they treat the students extremely poorly, but this is, to use the cliche, the straw that broke the camel's back.
I am so completely sick of fertile people. For being so exclusive in conversations. For expecting so much emotional labor from me. For holding me responsible for helping them when there was no one around to help me when I was deeply depressed from infertility. I am really sick of the double standards and I just need to vent!
I really need to meet some people like me in real life.
The exclusivity is really frustrating. I never really expected to encounter it - after all these are women who have full-time jobs and hobbies and other interests too. And it applies both to what they talk about and who they talk to (ie other moms).
ReplyDeleteI never expected it either! So. Annoying.
DeleteI waver between figuring out how to be in the fertile world and how to create a life for myself separate from fertile society, a life that I enjoy and where I can be of service to others.
I am so sorry, sometimes it seems like they all come out of the woodwork in their full glory, totally oblivious. That's so annoying about your professor, and the family pregnancy/grandchild onslaught. Bryce just was speaking at a conference where one of the other speakers literally did all the "Parents will understand this..." and "This is my baby, my top accomplishment" tripe when she was supposed to be talking about PHOTONICS. Please tell me what your baby has to do with that. Feeling for you, these moments where everyone fertile is inadvertently a total jackass are tough to swallow. I hope the run ends.
ReplyDeleteGross. The speaker was at a conference speaking about photonics (which I had to look up to know what that was) and her "top accomplishment" was her baby? Not the time or the place, lady... Gag me.
DeleteI know how you feel. Yes, it definitely sucks how excluded we are from the converstations.
ReplyDeleteI would love to meet you!! Plan sLOVEnia for your next holidays!!!
:)
I would love to come to Slovenia to meet you! It will be several more years though. I won't graduate and be able to get a job for a little while longer. And then I will need to save up some money for travel. But yes!! I love this idea of traveling to Slovenia one day!! :)
Deletewe have all the future in front of us... so whenever you come, it will be just perfect :)
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