This weekend one of my good friend's kids was having a birthday party. I was excited about it and really wanted to go. I said I was coming and planned my schedule accordingly.
I didn't go.
Aaaahhh I drive myself crazy sometimes. I went back and forth in my head so much over going to this party. I was trying to figure out what was the problem, what was all this vacillation about, especially when I really wanted to go. Well, it was going to be a long drive, a lot of time in the car. Also, school started two weeks ago and I'm already overloaded with reading assignments and projects. I was going through this list in my head... But none of those things were really it.
What was really it was the obvious: I didn't want to go to a kid's birthday party.
Yes, I wanted to see my friend. Yes, I wanted to see my friend's kid. Yes, I wanted to hang out and talk and catch up with my friend and visit with her family and friends and eat cake. Yes, I want to be there for the important moments in my friend's life.
But I didn't want to go to the cute toy store near me and buy a present. And I didn't want to go to a party with a bunch of adults and kids and be the only woman there who wasn't a mother.
This sucks. I hate that it's like this. But it is.
In one way, it's only a kid's birthday party, it's not that big of a deal. In another way, I really hate saying I am going to do something and then I don't do it. And, I hate that I'm not there yet. I hate that going to a kid's birthday party still bothers me. Overall, that's what I learned from this and I won't be RSVPing "yes" to any more kid birthday parties for awhile.
When I talked to my husband about it he just said, "Who cares? Kids' birthday parties are boring anyway." Hahaha. So there's that perspective too!