I am in a familiar (though not exactly welcoming) space where time is moving slowly. For years I tried to get pregnant, each day dragging as slowly and painfully as the last. Then for years after that I worked hard at creating a new life for myself. Now I am near the end of the first major phase of my plan for creating my new life and it feels like time is at a standstill.
It's so annoying to hear parents talk about how time moves too fast and how they don't want their babies to grow up. I know life is short and maybe I would feel the same if I was parenting, but I'm not and I don't. It's getting to be a little painful. The waiting, not the infertility (for once).
Please allow me to complain a little bit. I am tired of school and homework. I am tired of spending my days with people ten to fifteen years younger than me. (As much as I like my classmates, there is a huge difference between being 38 and being 23.) I am tired of living in this city. I am tired of being lonely. (All of our friends without kids have all moved away, and all of our friends who live here are now raising children. Part of the reason we decided to move was we realized we could be just as lonely somewhere else as we are here.)
But I don't think we will be lonely after we move. It will take a long time to establish close-knit friendships, but there are a lot of ways to meet people where we are going that we don't have here. I've realized some cities are better for families with children and some cities are better for families that consist of only adults.
It's been a tough couple of weeks. I've been dealing with my childish mother, making lifestyle changes (even when it's desired, change is hardly ever easy), losing my dog, going back to school, and dealing with functional problems in our rental house... It brings to mind a common saying: when it rains, it pours.
I know everything is temporary and this too shall pass, but I am also acknowledging that it is not easy right now. After working so hard for the past three years, these last several months may be the hardest of all.
Waiting sucks. Feeling so close to getting what you want, but knowing you still have to go through these next months, sounds really hard. At least you know you have a deadline, and it's getting closer and closer, even when it doesn't feel like it. Good luck!ReplyDelete
Pretty much! "Waiting sucks." :) Having a deadline helps. Plus, I remind myself of what I've already been through... I suppose it's another opportunity for me to practice patience, which is not a strong point of mine.Delete
sending you kind wishes across the Atlantic!ReplyDelete
Much appreciated, Klara! <3Delete
I'm sorry, that does suck. And complain away! That limbo time between things in life is so exhausting, so stressful. I hope the time passes and you can get to this next part of your life!ReplyDelete
Yes! That's it!! Thank you for putting it into words for me! It's the fact that I'm in limbo again that's driving me crazy. I haaate being in limbo and goodness knows I have spent years in limbo. I mean, I'm not currently stagnant but still waiting waiting waiting. It is exhausting and stressful. I'm thankful I have the opportunity to go back to school, but, dang, I am eager to get on with it. Thank you Jess!! :) Until the next part of my life, I will continue to enjoy the little things.Delete
Don't worry about complaining, that's what blogs are for! I understand about being lonely and always being with people younger than you. I am nowhere near my old friends and often feel a bit isolated. It would be great to find a place that's perfect for 40-somethings without kids but also had my old friends in it...ReplyDelete
Hoping your limbo passes soon!
Thank you Shores. :) Yes, I am always with people in their 20s (classmates) or people in their 50s and 60s (former co-workers). I guess that's the way it goes when most everyone in their 30s and 40s are parenting. I agree; It would be awesome to find a place for 40-somethings without kids that also had my old friends in it. The limbo period will pass. It always does. Hopefully I will still have my sanity intact when it finally does hahaha.Delete
Well, you had me with the Tom Petty song quote. ;) Waiting definitely sucks -- but you have a goal, and solid plans on how you're going to get there. Hang in there! (& feel free to complain to the rest of us in the meantime, lol). ;)ReplyDelete
Yes! Tom Petty!! He was and always will be my favorite musician. <3 Thank you for reminding me of what I do have: a goal and solid plans on how I'm going to get there. I will definitely hang on for the ride! :)Delete