Stamina Galore

I survived my rigorous two weeks of training for two new jobs while finishing up the first semester of my doctoral program. A typical day had me up early in the morning to work on assignments before driving an hour away to the hospital for an 8-hour shift, followed by seeing several more patients at the nearby nursing home, driving an hour back home, and working on assignments for another hour or two before going to bed. It was exhausting! 

And my family says I don't have any stamina... (insert eye roll)

But of course I survived. It's what we do. A grueling two-week period? Ha!!! I can do that over and over and over and over for, well, years. That's what I did for... Years!!! 

Although, I prefer school work, commuting, and job training to injections, ultrasounds, blood draws, and, oh, soul-crushing devastation.

Now I am spending my break between semesters shifting boxes around and unpacking a bit. I am making room for the stuff in my storage unit that I am determined to move out of this month... If I can rent a moving truck!! (That's another hassle.)

We finally have flooring in our bedroom, and we got new siding on our house too. I got a loan to make it all happen, but I found a great guy to do the work and I am so thankful it is done! July was a long (and expensive) month full of job interviews during the weekdays and construction workers at the house during the weekends, but it was worth it. All of it was worth it.

My family thinks I'm weak. They think I cannot handle much. I do not know where this false narrative began. Maybe it started when I was in high school and was always tired. Of course, school started at 7:25 am and I often did not get home until 8:30 or 9pm so, I don't know, maybe I was just... Tired? 

During my first three years of teaching full-time, I went to graduate school part-time.

Several years ago, I was teaching Monday through Friday and then working full shifts at the hospital on the weekends.

Then there were the whole endure-infertility, survive-failed-IVFs, and divorce-my-husband years.

Yeah, I don't buy it when they say I have no stamina. I used to correct them, but it never changed what they said. Now I just say, "That's a false narrative," and I think they've run out of energy to argue with me. So who's the one with no stamina?? Ha.

So, I recreated my life after losing my lifelong dream of motherhood. We all know that. I'm still tweaking it and making corrections here and there, so I set myself up with employment and housing that I can enjoy for the second half of my life. 

It's hard work, but it is worth it. My life keeps getting better and better.

It's not all roses. Of course not. It never is. 

My boyfriend and I are going through what I call a "growth period." I don't know how to make sense of it, and I feel limited on what I can do about it. All I know is I will survive this too, whatever the outcome ends up being. 

But that's what we do. We survive. We endure. We persist. 

We quit things (treatments, houses, partners, jobs) that no longer serve us.

We feel our feelings and keep moving forward.

We appreciate what we have, and we enjoy the little things.

I am so thankful for you all. We may not have met in person yet, but... Even when I am busy with life, I feel your presence and understanding. Thank you!