Friday, January 6, 2017

Days Like This

Days like this remind me of why I went back to school.

I'm still on winter break in between the fall and spring semesters. The first week I basically just slept. The second week I got to see some family that came in town. The third week I had lunches with friends I hadn't seen in several months. And now... I am bored. And it's not a good kind of boredom either. It's the questioning-my-life-decisions kind of boredom until I remember, oh yeah, I'm going back to school soon... Good!!

I'm sleeping too much and eating too little. My husband and my friends have gone back to work. I'm home all day and it reminds me of all my long and lonely days in 2012 - 2015. I've organized my study area so I'm prepared for the onslaught of my new classes when they begin, but I'm having a hard time finding any motivation or energy to get anything else done. I could very easily slip back into a depressive state, but I am fighting it. Plus, I know that I only have a week and a half left of this.

It's too bad I can't enjoy this break more. I will not have many more periods like this in my life. Here I have what everyone wants: a break from life, time to catch up, time to myself. But it is just too close in time to my experience with infertility and being on break right now is not the healthiest thing for me.

But I have awareness and gratitude, people who love me, a future to work toward, and this blog where I can write my true thoughts and feelings where I don't have to explain myself for you to understand.

Thank you. 💜

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