It has been awhile since anyone has said anything rude or insensitive to me about not having children, but I have a feeling some comments are headed my way...
First of all, I am in a new lab section this semester, and my new section has three people in it that have babies at home. Considering I am one of the oldest people in the program and I don't have kids, I am anticipating some sort of question soon.
Second of all, one of my new professors' first impression on me was not good. I believe she may be what I call "an insufferable fertile." During our first class meeting, she was discussing all of the different clinical settings she has worked in, but she was very adamant about having never worked in pediatrics. She said, with a touch of disgust in her voice, "I have my OWN kids. I don't NEED to work in pediatrics." Ouch. To his credit, my new school friend (the 24 year old dude with the baby) immediately turned to me and rolled his eyes. Today I heard from some other classmates that this same professor spent the first hour of lab this morning telling them all about her children. I have her lab tomorrow.
It's coming... I don't know what, but I know something is coming...
The difference between now and a year or even six months ago is I am feeling less defensive. I also don't feel the need to explain myself. So when the inevitable comments are finally uttered, who knows if I will even respond. Maybe I'll just let the comments/questions hang in the air... I refuse to go into my trauma just to satisfy other people's curiosity or make them feel more comfortable.
what a silly comment your new professor made. I am glad that your school friend rolled eyes!
ReplyDeleteAgreed! Yes, I like my new school friend very much. He is much younger and a guy, and a new parent at that, but somehow he just GETS it. It's refreshing. :)
DeleteUgh. I hate the feeling of knowing it's coming. You don't know what "it" will be or when it will happen, but you just know it will.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I get using your kids as a class example where relevant, but babbling on and on about them isn't cool!
Seriously!! It's like some people don't even know how to talk about anything else...
DeleteBleurgh WTF...and what if every would-be pediatrician with kids said that?? Imbecile. I'm also working alongside a younger man who's just had a baby. He never says a word about her and he hates people who rabbit on about their kids. His mantra is "I will not be that person!". Don't know if it's just bravado or what but it's nice. Him and the other younger colleague are curious about why I don't have kids but have never asked, to their credit. Whereas the 45+ people I work with bore on all the time about their kids and extended families. Especially my insensitive boss. Thank god for the young 'uns sometimes.
ReplyDeleteYour work colleague sounds like my school friend. He doesn't want to be the kind of person that goes on and on about his kid either. He'll happily tell me about the kid if I ask, but he definitely is capable of other conversation topics.
DeleteOur program is pretty intense so he and I got pretty close pretty quickly. I told him I wanted kids badly but wasn't able to have them. At the end of last semester he asked, by first prefacing that I absolutely didn't have to answer or talk about it if I didn't want to, if my husband and I had gotten any testing done. I told him, ohhh yes, we have had everything checked out. Then he asked if we had tried any fertility treatments. I took a deep breath and decided to tell him. I said, "Yes, we did IVF twice." His eyes got big and he said, "Twice?!" Then his eyes immediately filled with tears. He gave me a hug and said I am so sorry. That's more than either of my sisters have ever done...
aw your school friend sounds so nice! Wish more people could be so understanding.
DeleteYou owe no explanations to anyone! :)
ReplyDelete