What's that saying? When you're going through shit, keep going...
I am really not loving my current reality. I feel like a teenager writing this, but I really hate school. It's too bad. I've always liked school in the past. But this program... It's very disorganized and demanding, and none of the assignments are clear. I am mad that it is killing the spirit of my classmates. Everyone came in very enthusiastic and excited, but that is all gone now. Luckily, we are a special class and we all really care about each other so we will get through this together.
It's just personally annoying because I feel like I already "wasted" so much time with infertility and failed treatments with nothing to show for it. And now I am in this program, working hard and desperately waiting for graduation in a couple of years. By the end of it all, I will have spent seven years not really enjoying my life and that saddens me.
Of course, I am thankful for the opportunity to go back to school. I am thankful I had the opportunity to try fertility treatments. I am thankful for a whole lot. And I look forward to the little things too. A good meal. Laughing with friends. Hanging out with my dog.
It's just... I'm no spring chicken. And here I am, working toward a future that is still several years away.
I'm just very, very tired.
But I will keep going.