Fifteen years ago I would have never skipped a friend's party.
But times have changed and so have the parties.
Last weekend one of my best friends from high school had a 1st birthday party for her second child and I was invited. I didn't go. I love this friend and she has been more compassionate and understanding than most, but I can't say the same about her friends. When I went to her first child's 1st birthday party, every conversation basically went as follows.
Me: Hi, I'm Phoenix.
Other Person: Hi, I'm Myrtle. How do you know Awesome Friend? We work together/have play
dates together/went to prenatal yoga together/are in the neighborhood moms group together.
Me: Oh, I've known Awesome Friend since we were 17. Isn't she the best?
Other Person: Yes! So which kid is yours?
Me: Oh, I don't have kids.
Awkward silence... (Because there's absolutely nothing else to talk about in life, am I right?)
Other Person: Well, I'm going to get another drink/slice of cake/check in with my husband.
So, despite my love for my friend I just couldn't muster the energy or interest to go to the birthday party. Instead of feeling bad or repeatedly questioning myself if I was making the right decision, I just decided and went on with my day. That is definite progress on my part.
The more I take care of myself, putting my feelings and considerations first, the easier it gets.
And guess what? The world doesn't end when I skip these parties.
In fact, better things continue to fill the space. Like last weekend for example. One of my husband's friends from college ended up coming in to town so we met up with him for several hours and it was a lot of fun. I would've missed that had I gone to the party where I would have inevitably been left standing by myself.
Giving yourself permission to skip parties is an important part of self-care for the No Kidding amongst us. I totally agree with you that often it isn't the person who is hosting the party that worries us - it's the other guests. I've totally felt like this. And you can then spend time with your friend and the new one-year-old at another time, and give them your full attention.
ReplyDeleteYay, you!
I have been skipping every single kid's birthday party for the last 13 years. Exactly - the world doesn't stop, but it definitely helps me survive!
ReplyDeleteI'm willing to bet that we've all been to parties like that. You made a wise decision!!
ReplyDeleteOh yes I hate how some women seem to become mothers and that's literally all the talk and think about! I went to a meetup thing here once and all I was asked was whether I was married or had any kids! No one bothered to ask what I work as or what hobbies I have or any other question
ReplyDelete