Sunday, May 14, 2017

Out Of It

I finished my semester, I'm on vacation, and I am Out. Of. It.

So tired, so exhausted, so thankful, so content, but so completely done. Happy to be on vacation.

When I first mentioned this trip idea several months ago to my husband, all I thought was I'll be done with school, it's my only break in the program, and we need to take a trip together if possible! Since MD (my abbreviation for today's "holiday") isn't ever on my mind, I didn't even realize I'd be out of town for this day.

Last year for MD, I remember that I didn't even leave the house. It was a conscious decision. I didn't feel terrible but I didn't feel comfortable, so I just enjoyed a day at home, reading on the couch and eating pizza. It was fine.

This year is awesome.

Vacation is great and I really am cultivating a life that will work for me.

It's not a complete solution. I still miss my kids. I thought coming on this vacation might make me glad I didn't have kids. They are expensive and tiring and a lot of work, haven't you heard? I am "so lucky" that I "get to travel," right? Well, it's both. It's an amazing trip, but it's not the salve that fertile people think it is.

I am having fun though. And I completely forgot today was MD. And honestly, that was nice.

I'm pretty out of it and it's a nice break. 💫


  1. Yay for vacations!! Glad you are getting a break!

  2. Yes I can understand this. Being able to go on holidays because you don't have kids is nice but not a replacement for the life you had wished for. I am glad that you are enjoying your trip though and great you were able to forget about MD! Great that you finished your semester. It does sound exhausting. Enjoy the break :)

    1. Thank you!!! I never know what to say when people tell me, "Oh but you can travel!" Uh... So can adults with kids. So can adults after their kids have grown. Like, traveling is not some special privilege for the infertile. Plus, I don't even really like traveling which isn't the "cool" thing to say hahaha.

      Thank you for your support!! I've been sleeping a lot over break. I know I've heard that you can't really get caught up on sleep, but I'm doing my best to restore myself for this next year that's coming up!