Monday, May 22, 2017

Helping/Hindering Our Healing

Happy Monday! 💜

Here's a writing prompt from Mali:

Make a list of your personality traits 
that can both help and hinder you 
in the process of healing after infertility. 

She shared her preliminary list here. 
(Note: That's the first time I inserted a link on my blog! 🏆  )

I love making lists so I'd like to try. :) Here are my initial ideas.

First, using some of Mali's ideas:

  • Like her, I don't like the feeling that I'm missing out.  HINDERS
  • But also, I never thought "things happen for a reason."  HELPS
  • Also like her, I am pragmatic. (I am extremely sensitive and I have a lot of feelings, but I am also very, very practical.)  HELPS

And a few ideas of my own:

  • I'm good at quitting things hahaha (in the past- things like jobs, school programs, and boyfriends that weren't working out).  HELPS
  • I really like each stage of life and was looking forward to raising children through all of them. I always wanted to be a mother and had planned for it my whole life.  HINDERS
  • I like to be social but feel left out of my peer group because I'm not a mom.  HINDERS
  • Like I previously said, I am extremely sensitive so I got my feelings hurt a lot for the first couple of years.  HINDERS
  • I'm okay with asking for help and I've been lucky to work with two different counselors over the last several years.  HELPS
  • I like having something to work toward and look forward to so my husband and I came up with a new plan together for our future.  HELPS

What are some things that has helped or hindered your healing after infertility?

Leave your thoughts in the comments below, in the comments on Mali's post, or link to your own post on the topic. :)


  1. Ha I'm also good at quitting things - in my opinion that does help. I hate that expression 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. I never believed in that - if something is killing me and wrecking my life, I will walk away from it rather than push it to the max. Funnily enough, I never really thought I would raise children and I don't remember actually wanting to be a mother, ever: it came to me late. I think my earlier reluctance definitely helped me get over infertility quicker. So that helped, even though I think the psychological barriers I had about motherhood were a bit f*cked up. I'm bad at asking for help and I hate talking about myself - this has hindered. But I think I have resilience - this has helped. I'm terrible for feeling like I'm missing out, on EVERYTHING - basically if I'm not doing it, I'm missing out on it. I've tried to get over that and it fades with time but still assails me now and again and it's annoying. I suppose there's a reason they made FOMO a thing...
    Great post!

    1. Resilience! Yes!!! That is such an important, helpful trait.

      Yeeeah "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and all those stupid sayings are just, well, stupid. (insert eye roll here) How about this: "What doesn't kill you just brings you closer and closer to the brink of breaking."

      Thanks to Mali! Like I said, I love writing lists, and I enjoyed thinking about what has helped and hindered my recovery. I liked reading your thoughts on the topic too so thanks to you too. :)

  2. I was pondering my own list by the time I read yours, it's interesting you brought up sensitivity. For me, I'm not sure if that's a plus, a minus or both. Have got some more thinking to do on that.......

    So with you both on the 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' idiocy. Tracey Cleantis addresses this in chapter 7 of her book The Next Happy, siting (finally, someone did!!!) the difference between a challenging situation that forces growth and overwhelming life altering trauma that alters your brain chemistry. Research in fact shows that what doesn't kill you often makes you weaker. That's my happy fun fact for the day!

    1. Hahaha thanks for your fun fact!! :)

      Good point about sensitivity! It probably goes both ways- hinders and helps. I'm going to think more on this as well. :)