Saturday, October 14, 2017


Wow. These past two weeks have been so busy. "Tired" is such a boring title for a post, but that is how I am honestly feeling. And this is the longest I've gone between writing posts since I started this blog a year ago. Usually, I try to post at least once a week.

The first week of October I spent almost 50 (unpaid) hours in a hospital doing one of my clinical rotations. That was interesting, informative, and exhausting.

The second week of October was full of exams (with more to come this week). I don't want to discourage anyone from going back to school, but this is all certainly easier when you're younger!

I have missed being an active part of this community, but I have almost caught up on reading everyone's posts. :)

Yes, the need for my blog is still here. I am reminded almost every day. So I will keep writing.

My week at the hospital gave me a taste of the working world again. Last time I was employed was before infertility, so the next time I am employed it will be my first job after infertility. One day, I came home pretty frustrated and told my husband that I wished I could work somewhere with all men. Knowing how important girlfriends and conversation and connection are to me, he was surprised and asked, "Why?" And I said, "Because most men don't talk about their children all the damn time!!"

There was one day when a group of employees were gathered around one woman's desk watching a video and laughing. Turns out it was a video of her little one. I had already noticed this woman's desk included a copy of her Happy Mother's Day card that she sent out to her friends and family full of pictures of her pregnant and with her baby, so my guess was she was the biggest Mommy of them all. And, overhearing her talk all week just proved my point.

(Side note: I've heard of sending holiday cards and Valentine's cards en masse to loved ones. I have never in my life heard of someone sending out Happy Mother's Day cards like that.)

So, anyway, I guess this video showed her kid doing something cute/funny/adorable because everyone was laughing. And then she said (in good nature I think, it seems like most everyone got along, but what she said still annoyed the crap out of me), "All of you people without children don't know what it's like! Just you wait!!" Good thing no one was paying attention to me because I just rolled my eyes.

But I know I will have to sometimes stomach comments like these when I return to the workforce. And I am not looking forward to it. Even though every year I make great strides in my recovery, I still anticipate that I will always miss my children.

So I may always have this blog. It seems there will always be something that stings. And even if I get to a point where stuff doesn't sting anymore, I know there are others out there reading our blogs and what we are all writing is helping them. I want to live a life of service, so if this is how I can help others then I will keep writing.

Missed you all! Hope you are well!! 💜


  1. Aaaaaaaaaa! No, just no, to "just you wait" comments. And holy cow, Happy Mother's Day cards featuring yourself and your in utero baby? Please tell me this is not a new trend. I thought you were supposed to have cards sent to you, not sent out as another way to show the world your fertility. Gross. I am glad you write this blog! It is a lovely space, and I hope you find a workplace without the women who spout off constantly about kids. Despite working in a school I am fortunate to avoid a lot of the "motherhood is the be-all, end-all" conversations. People are pretty cool. Although they all know my story, so maybe they're only cool around me? Regardless, I don't have to deal with stuff like Queen Bee Momma with the icky card.

    1. Seriously!! What an annoying card. My concern for moms like that is that they are so wrapped up in being a Mommy, they don't know what to do with themselves as their kid inevitably grows up and gets their own life.

    2. I had the same reaction! Way to make Mother's Day all about yourself, right?? (nevermind that it's already an annoying holiday...!) Good grief...!! :p

  2. I know I have to hear comments like that too in certain circles, but, as you indicated, knowing this somehow doesn't make it any easier to stomach. Seemingly innocent comments like the one your colleague made are really so charged - with one short sentence she has managed to presume that A) everyone who doesn't yet have kids can have them and B) that having kids is harder than they different ways other people's lives may turn out. A lot of ignorance (and condescension!) packed into a meager sentence, that's for sure. I'm glad you find solace and processing in your blog. I think writing has saved me - the outlet and the opportunity to transform painful experiences into material. We can take quite a hit getting back into the world again post infertility. You're being brave - go you!

    1. Exactly. Everyone just assumes that everyone can and will have kids.

      It is definitely tough getting back out in the world again. I am tremendously thankful for our community here.

      And thank you for calling me brave. I haven't heard that before. <3