Sunday, October 1, 2017

My 1st Blogoversary

Wow. A year already?

I can barely believe I started a blog, much less that I started a blog one year ago.

First of all, to anyone reading, THANK YOU. 
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for commenting.
Thank you for being in community with me and others living life without children after infertility.

Like Klara at The Next 15000 Days told me it would be, writing has been very therapeutic.
Plus, it gives both my husband and my best friend a little break from listening to me process infertility. I mean, they're awesome people and they've never complained, but still... 
I'd like to keep the two of them in my life and not drive them away! :)

This is not an easy life to live. I still think of my children every single day. I know what their names would have been and I know how old they would be. I don't socialize with any of my former longtime friends. Our lives have gone in completely different directions. And although we are close and I get along with them, I still have not received much empathy or understanding from my family over what I have lost. Again, it is not an easy life to live.

It can be lonely, sad, and frustrating. But I am working hard to create a life I will enjoy. This time next year I will be finishing up my school program while living and working in another state. 

I did not think it was possible to live a happy life after infertility, but it is. It is, it is, it is! Even if you don't believe me right now, it is entirely possible to enjoy life again. I promise you that miracles do happen.

My husband and I are playing the long game. We could have just up and moved several years ago, but we're trying to be strategic about it. Life is expensive and I wanted to get a new career, one that I enjoyed and one that hopefully pays just a little bit better. However, I am getting really tired of our pragmatic approach. I am anxious to move NOW. But I am proud of us for going the delayed gratification route. We are going to be in a much better place when we move next year compared to what it would have been like if we had moved several years ago.

So in the meantime, I went back to school, got slammed with homework, and decided to start a blog amidst all my millions of deadlines. I am so glad I did.

And this morning I was skimming some of my old posts and found some things I had written that I had forgotten about... Oh, the ups and downs of infertility...

So, I'm not going away. My infertility isn't going away. And there's only more people joining us in this childless/free-not-by-choice circumstance, so I think we should all just keep showing up for each other. And one day we are going to get together and have a massive party!!!

Until then, here are a few of my favorite posts from my first year of blogging. Enjoy! 💜


  1. Congratulations!!!
    I am very glad that you you did start to write.
    sending you lots of love from sLOVEnia,

  2. Wow, a year! In some ways it has flown by, in some ways it feels as if you've been part of our community forever. Congratulations on the year. I know it was hard, but what progress you've made.

    Keep on blogging!

    1. Right?? In some ways it *has* flown by. In other ways, hahaha, not so much... But overall, yes. :)

      This past year was hard but in a different way compared to the years right before. Still hard though. Thanks for giving me credit!

  3. Congratulations! I love your voice. I so hear you with the processing and trying to spare the husband and best friend all of the things all the time, I feel that way so often. :) Hooray for a whole year of blogging!

    1. Thank you so much. That's funny because I love YOUR voice. :)

  4. Phoenix it is lovely that you wrote this: "I did not think it was possible to live a happy life after infertility, but it is. It is, it is, it is! Even if you don't believe me right now, it is entirely possible to enjoy life again. I promise you that miracles do happen". Every time someone writes something like this, I feel happy. I remember I liked your Getting Closer to Resolution post - "Since our first choice life didn't work out, we felt like we could choose almost anything for our second choice life. And our second choice is even starting to feel less and less like a consolation prize. We are really excited!". Again: inspirational.

    1. Wow. That's the highest compliment, Shores. Thank you!!! To think that I could inspire someone after years of feeling so depressed and lethargic... It was so difficult to stoke my spirit and reconnect with meaning again after those very dark years. And now I could immediately give you a short list of things that give me joy. Yes, enjoying life without children after going through infertility is possible. <3

  5. I agree with Mali, feels like you've been around for much longer than a year! You've made a great contribution in that time & I am looking forward to more posts in the weeks, months & years to come! :) (And to seeing you at that massive party someday. ;) )

    1. Well, thank you so much!!! It has been so good for me to join in the community. And yes, one day we will all make The NotMom Summit or have a big party or something!! <3