Friday, January 5, 2018

Initial New Year Thoughts

Hello and Happy and Healthy New Year! Let's jump back into the blog. I don't want to reflect on last year too much; it was pretty much just school anyway. Some concerts, a couple of trips when on break, a lot of good meals and quality time spent with my husband. Well damn, even though 2017 was pretty rough on a global scale, 2017 was an improvement in my life. 

And now we're five days into 2018 and here are my current thoughts:

  • I do not regret skipping the family holiday celebration for the 2nd year in a row.

    I am thankful that my sisters and my aunt and uncle traveled to where I live so I got to see them. So, I didn't see everyone all together and I didn't see any of my cousins, but I did get to celebrate with family this year. I really appreciate it. Part of the reason I skipped was due to infertility. I felt like I needed another year, one more year to be more into my new life before I'm around my cousins' adorable kids again. Mostly, I skipped because I was exhausted from school and had no energy to travel. I hope to make the family celebration next year, but I have no regrets missing the last two years because it is what I needed while I was in my initial years of healing and accepting that I wouldn't be having children in this lifetime. (Just throwing that out there for anyone who might want to do the holidays differently next year)


  • I don't usually make New Year's Resolutions, but this year I am going to take care of my physical health!

    I have worked so hard on my mental and emotional health for the last two years, and I'm proud of my work. Now it is time to focus on a different aspect of my health: my physical body. While TTC, I was in pretty good shape. I ate healthy, walked regularly, and took a million vitamins and supplements. But after I quit TTC, I just needed a break. From everything. I definitely stopped taking all those vitamins and supplements. I also stopped eating healthy. In fact, I made the conscious decision to just eat whatever I wanted, so that's what I've done for the last 2 years. And, let me tell you, it has been delicious. I also have no regrets there. However, the fact of the matter is, that between all those fertility drugs and then my extended period of conscious unhealthy eating led to weight gain and muscle loss. (Again, no regrets- it's all part of the process for me.) So now I want to eat better and exercise regularly. I'm motivated by vanity a little bit, but mostly I'm motivated by function. I am going to be transferring patients soon, and I need to get stronger. So, in addition to finishing up school, I'm also going to make taking care of my physical health a priority this year.


  • I love breaks!!!

    I will miss them after I graduate from school and re-enter the world of employment. I love the opportunity to rest up, run errands when it's not crowded, and meet up with friends I haven't seen all semester. I saw two friends last week and will see two friends this week. I met them all at different parts in my life and I really value these women, who range in age from 36 to 64. I am very grateful for good conversations and laughter.


  • Speaking of laughter, one of my friends said the funniest thing.

    She is a former co-worker and we've been friends for, wow, 15 years now. (Time freakin' flies.) She's in her early 50s and her boys are in their early 20s. They are both good kids but having a difficult time adjusting to the next stage of their lives, so my friend is still heavily supporting them and parenting them as much as you can parent young men in their early 20s. Overall, she and I have very interesting conversations about having children. She loves her kids and she was (and still is) an awesome mom while they were growing up- lots of activities and sports and friends and pool parties. But she is So Thankful to be, as she calls it, "on the backside of parenting."

    One of our mutual friends had a baby a year and a half ago and I asked my friend if she had seen her. My friend said she hadn't, not since she went to her house to meet the baby. My friend continued, "I don't expect to see her. Her life just completely changed. Whenever I find out one of my friends is having a baby I'm like, 'See you in ten years!' "

    Ha!!! I thought that was so funny. My friend isn't infertile and saying she's not going to see her friend with a baby. My friend is a mom and saying she's not going to see her friend with a baby... for ten years! I mean, it's pretty much true. I've just never heard a fertile person say it. I laughed pretty hard.

10 comments:

  1. Happy New Year!!
    I am joining you with this NY resolution: taking care of physical health!

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  2. Happy New Year! I hear you on the taking care of emotional and mental wellbeing and seeing other things go by the wayside. I also had the hideous realization that for as much as I thought my metabolism took a dive at 30, and then another one at 35, this over-40 thing is a whole new ballgame. And yeah, breaks! This is a lovely perk to being a teacher -- you have those breaks peppered throughout the year where you can catch up with people and go to lunch on a weekday with the corporate people. :) And your friend is hilarious, it is funny to hear that coming from a fertile person! :) Happy New Year to you!

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    1. I can only do several things- I can't do everything. So I do what I can when I can. And as I get better at things, I can take on new things. So yeah, I'm glad I put my emotional and mental health first. Now that I have grieved and processed and, quite literally, moved on, I can shift my focus to other things. (Not that I'm done grieving and processing. I think that will be a lifelong process. But I'm past the debilitating part of grief.)

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  3. Happy new year! :) Definitely, make time to take care of yourself... believe me, you won't regret it in another 10 or 20 years! ;)

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    1. Good point! I was very fit as a kid because of sports. Why did I not keep that up throughout my life?? Oh well, I will start where I am. :)

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  4. Happy New Year! I really liked this post because I can see the progress, and because - perhaps my favourite part - you are not beating yourself up for the steps you took to cope with your situation and recover. I missed bigger family Christmases for two years too, and I needed that. I needed to find myself again.

    Isn't it nice to hear our views echoed by a fertile person? I hope you said, "tell me about it!"

    PS. One of the things I have loved about self-employment is the free time. (Though there are lots of downsides too.)

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    1. No, I definitely don't beat myself up about things. Society and the media do that enough for me, I don't need to add to the judgmental chatter. I wasn't always this way. Becoming compassionate with myself has been a practice.

      And yes! It was refreshing hearing my viewpoint from a fertile person!!

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  5. Belated Happy New Year Phoenix, and I love what your friend said...

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    1. Happy New Year Shores!! Yes, I love it when fertile people say out loud what I'm thinking. :)

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