I have never anticipated a year like I anticipated 2019.
I worked my ass off to get where I am today. My life was blood, sweat, tears, and years of trauma and debilitating depression, followed by years of hard work doing dumb shit that I didn't want to do (aka going back to school). And now here I am: 2019, living where I always dreamed of living, and getting ready to start a new career that I am very passionate about. Thank God.
You could not pay me a billion dollars to relive the last 8 years of my life. But I also wouldn't change any of it. Yeah I know, it doesn't make much sense. So much pain--physical, emotional, and existential. So much trauma. Every relationship changed. My lifelong dream of being a mother never realized.
And yet here I am. Happy.
Probably happier than I've ever been.
I can't totally unpack it all just yet...
But I'll take it.
Today I am content about the present and excited about the future, two things I thought would never be possible again.
Today I feel alive, something I will never ever take for granted.
It's a new year. It's 2019. Here we are. It's time to live again.