Monday, January 14, 2019

Home Sweet Home

Where do you feel alive? Where do you feel most connected? Where do you feel at peace? Where is home? Depending on where you are in your recovery, the answers to these questions are probably somewhere between difficult and impossible to come by.

Last week I went skiing for the first time in 5 years. If you know me in real life, you know this is crazy talk. I LOVE to ski. And that's an understatement. How in the world did I miss FIVE ski seasons in a row?? Oh yeah... Infertility... First crippling anxiety, then failed treatments, then debilitating depression. What an awful period of my life. And that's another understatement.

(Side note: If any reader wants to start a blog called Infertile Ski Bum if only for the purpose of commenting on others' blogs, please let me know because we can be friends for sure.)

So I finally went skiing. My heart and soul were bursting with happiness and gratitude. I couldn't help but be reflective on the mountain. I definitely felt like I was home for the first time in a very long time. I thought about everything I've been through over the last 8 years in particular. I thought about how I'd hurt, what I'd learned, and how I'd grown and changed. I thought about how I've been looking forward to ski season 2019 for freaking YEARS. All of the grief and hard work SUUUCKED, but it was worth it. It was all part of the plan and I had arrived.

Last week I went home to the mountains.
I felt at peace. I felt connected to what really matters in this world. I felt alive.

5 comments:

  1. Oh wow, this is a really lovely piece! Yes, when we find ourselves again after infertility, it is truly something to celebrate. Brava!

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    1. Thank you Mali! It's good to be back. I mean, not only blogging but it's good to be back being contentedly engaged in life again. Thank you for all of your support over the years. <3

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  2. Dear Phoenix, how nice that you could go skiing again! I'm very happy for you. I had the same experience with singing, which is very important to me too. Depression also stole this joy from me. But like you, I won over infertility and am able to sing again :)

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    1. That's awesome you are able to sing again! Congratulations!! Doing what we used to enjoy is no easy feat. <3

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  3. Yay! So glad you were able to reconnect with this part of your life again!

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