Not raising children when that's what you felt like you were meant to do in life is a devastating loss that never goes away. As I was reminded this morning.
I woke up and immediately remembered part of a dream from my sleep where someone important to me looked directly at me and stated, "You don't know what it's like to be a mother."
Ouch.
It hurt hearing it in my dream and it hurts thinking about it now.
It's true.
And not true.
But that's not what's important here.
Obviously, I am depleted. I've been giving more than I've been replenished. I need to take a break. I want to make a conscious effort to do less, think less, expect less. When I do find myself thinking, I want it to be reflections on all the ways that I kicked ass this year, showing up and not shying away from life.
But overall, I want to wrap myself up in all of the quilts I've made, drink some hot chocolate, and watch some mindless tv or movies that I enjoy. I need less demands, preferably no demands, and so that is what I am going to try and give myself for the rest of this year. What's left of it and me anyway...
I hope you had a nice winter solstice yesterday.
I'll share a few pictures of some little things that I'm enjoying right now.
Feel free to join me in giving yourself the gift of less demands for the rest of 2020.
I love all the new material that you bought... so many new beautiful quilts in 2021!
ReplyDeleteWishing you peaceful last days of this year and many good wishes for 2021.
lots of love from Europe,
Klara
Building my fabric stash has become a hobby of its own... :) Thank you, thank you - wishing you peaceful days and many good wishes for 2021 as well! <3 <3 <3
DeleteBeautiful! I'm sorry you had a painful dream, but glad you are fighting back with gorgeous fabric stacks, beautiful snow, and your tree. And your time of less demands! Sounds great to me.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteWe've all done enough. We all need a break. I will spend the rest of the year looking at fabric sales online and eating leftovers.
I hope you're having a great break! (And I would love to see the quilts you make from all that fabric!)
ReplyDeleteWell... [Insert nervous laughter] It turns out that nearly every online fabric store is having an end-of-the-year sale, so there has been... More fabric purchased this past week.
DeleteI think I have enough fabric to make quilts for the rest of my life now. And I will still buy more fabric. I'm learning that's how this hobby goes hahaha.
I'm so thankful for it. It is a major thing to find a new passion after losing your spirit and your dreams of motherhood to infertility. <3