Not raising children when that's what you felt like you were meant to do in life is a devastating loss that never goes away. As I was reminded this morning.
I woke up and immediately remembered part of a dream from my sleep where someone important to me looked directly at me and stated, "You don't know what it's like to be a mother."
It hurt hearing it in my dream and it hurts thinking about it now.
And not true.
But that's not what's important here.
Obviously, I am depleted. I've been giving more than I've been replenished. I need to take a break. I want to make a conscious effort to do less, think less, expect less. When I do find myself thinking, I want it to be reflections on all the ways that I kicked ass this year, showing up and not shying away from life.
But overall, I want to wrap myself up in all of the quilts I've made, drink some hot chocolate, and watch some mindless tv or movies that I enjoy. I need less demands, preferably no demands, and so that is what I am going to try and give myself for the rest of this year. What's left of it and me anyway...
I hope you had a nice winter solstice yesterday.
I'll share a few pictures of some little things that I'm enjoying right now.
Feel free to join me in giving yourself the gift of less demands for the rest of 2020.