Sunday, December 19, 2021

It is done.

I originally posted this on 12/8/21 under a different title, but then I second guessed myself and unpublished it. But... It's all true, my last two weeks are over (Why does so much that sucks involve a two week wait??), and I now feel more comfortable re-posting this without any edits.

It is done.

*****

Repeating "it's not me" in my head really helped me last week. 

Unfortunately, things at work escalated. Accusations were made, lines were (majorly!) crossed, and I submitted my resignation. The whole thing completely sucks. I feel like crap and I'm out of a job. But what was I going to do? Stay there? Why? For what?

I just don't tolerate bullshit like I used to. I've had bad job after bad job after bad job. I've loved my students and I've loved my patients, but I've never been paid or treated well by an employer.

I know life isn't fair. Most likely, anyone who is reading a CNBC blog knows life isn't fair. 

But I reached my limit many years ago. It was exactly in the moment when I learned my last fertility treatment did not result in pregnancy. In that exact moment, although I had no idea doing what or where, I was determined to live a life that I thought was worth living.

And my most recent job wasn't it. Not by a long shot.

So I'm putting it out there in the Universe: I WILL find another job. But even better than that, I will find a good paying job at a place of employment that treats me well.

Infertility took so much away from me. I won't compromise with anything else in my life.



14 comments:

  1. Dear Phoenix, I am sorry you had to quit. But I fully agree with you - You are all you've got. I love this quote!

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    1. Thank you Klara! I'll take all the support I can get these days. <3 <3 <3

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  2. I'm so sorry you felt you had to quit, but so glad that you are confident enough in your own worth to do so. Knowing HOW you want to live your life, and then actually being brave enough to do so, is a great gift.

    Still, I'm sending hugs in case you're feeling a little vulnerable, which would be natural.

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    1. It's hard. And it's scary. And I feel like it's easy for others to think I just quit another job like I think there's some utopian employer out there, which I don't. (Ok, my mother said some very unsupportive things to me.) But I HAD to quit. It was a very hostile work environment.

      I'm thankful I have this blog space. And I am grateful for your support. Thank you Mali. <3

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  3. Dear Phoenix,

    I am also very sorry you had to quit. It must have been a hard decision. You said Yes to yourself and your health and No to a toxic environment. So I would like to congratulate you on standing up for yourself. You deserve to be treated well. We all do.

    I wish you peace and strength.
    Hugs!

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    1. Thank you Elaine. It was a very difficult situation. I remind myself that I did the best I could each step of the way. I learned that I have boundaries in the workplace. So, I did learn more about myself throughout the experience.

      It was really hard though. I mean, it's my job! That's my income and my opportunity to work with people... But yes. There are basics that must be met. We all deserve to be treated well.

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  4. As others have said, I’m sorry you experienced a toxic work environment and had to quit. I’m a career counselor, and so I feel moved to invite you to check out my website if you’d like: www.helpnavigatingtransitions.com I offer a complementary hour long consultations and could send you a couple resources afterwards whether you want to book any sessions with me or not. Either way, sending lots of good thoughts.

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    1. Thank you Kristina. You've commented in the past, so I knew your comment wasn't spam. I just looked briefly at your website and you offer a variety of services!

      I know what I want to do (work part-time in healthcare providing patient care) and what I want to start doing (work remote as a writer), but the more resources to help me make that happen the merrier! :)

      I'm sure other readers will benefit from your website too. Thank you for the services you offer! :)

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  5. Dear Phoenix,
    oh yes, you are worth to be treated well and kind. Everyone is! It is really weird but especially in the health care system where it is all about human beings and it is more than important to communicate well and to treat everyone with respect, not everyone who is working in it is experiencing appreciation(is that the right word...?).
    You know who you are, what you are capable of and how you want work. You know your values. I agree you don't have to endure everything.
    I am certain, you will find the job that fits you perfectly!
    Until then I hope you are having wonderful holidys and a merry Christmas!
    Frohe Weihnachten und ein Gutes Neues Jahr! :-)

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    1. Thank you!! The whole experience was so confusing. And disappointing to say the least. So I'm taking the rest of 2021 off. I'm looking forward to 2022, but I appreciate this time in the middle to rest. Happy holidays Lilly! <3

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  6. Oh, no, I'm so sorry everything escalated! But I'm glad you set yourself free. I love that quote, and how you have so internalized it. I will be crossing all my crossables for you in your job hunt, may you find the position that loves you back and isn't so freaking dysfunctional.

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    1. Dude. That situation was crazypants! Dysfunctional for sure. I think I've been going through the stages of grief to process it all. I felt depressed and like I was bargaining while going through it. Then I was in denial that it was that bad. Since I quit, I've felt a lot of anger. But now I'm getting to the acceptance phase. I'm just so thankful it's over!!! Here's to better days and better uses of my time and energy!

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  7. That really really sucks. And I hope the next job finds you quickly.

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    1. Thank you. <3 Maybe the next job situation will end up working out for the next 25 years... Or for at least a little bit!

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