I had another good cry today. It came out of seemingly nowhere. Then again, it does happen to be seven years and one week after my first IVF didn't result in pregnancy. I always seem to cry more January through March. Like this morning. Tears streamed down my face for at least ten minutes.
All I could think was, "Thirty-five years is a long time to think you're going to be a mother. It has only been seven years of knowing I won't be a mom... Go easy on yourself..."
So I sat there. And cried.
Then I went on with my day.
I don't really know what else to do. If I don't cry, I just feel cranky and irritable all day. So, I cry.
I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm both at the same time. It's complicated. I know you understand. 💜
I know...
ReplyDeleteSending you a big hug across the Atlantic.
And another hug from across the Pacific. I'm glad you know what works for you. And that you are gentle with yourself and your emotions. Crying when you need to is very wise.
ReplyDeleteSending my love
ReplyDelete♡♡♡
I understand. <3 This is a kind of mopey, depressing time of year --- for me, anyway! -- nevermind the anniversary dates! Very true about 35 years versus 7 -- I think a lot of people forget that we've spent an entire lifetime thinking we'll be mothers... and then wonder why they're "still" feeling rotten about not having kids, just two years later. Rome wasn't built in a day, right? (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteCrying is so therapeutic ... I hope it offered a bit of cathartic release. I totally get your heart. Those emotions and reminders live deep within. Abiding with you, my friend. xo
ReplyDeleteI think our bodies sometimes know things that we don't, at least not consciously. I'm glad that you gave yourself space to tend to your heart. Sending you love, and holding you gently.
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