Sunday, January 9, 2022

Choosing My Thoughts

Today was another tough one.
I imagine this may be somewhat of a collective experience right now.

I felt irritated and restless. Then I felt sad and depressed. I didn't want to do ANYTHING.
Not read or sew or watch tv or eat or shower or organize... All the things I usually feel like doing.

I woke up earlier than usual (naturally, definitely not on purpose haha), got up, drank coffee, ran to get milk and laundry detergent (masked in an N95), and... Went back to bed.

It's the pandemic.
It's month 23 and the infection numbers are higher than ever.
It's scary and depressing. And annoying. And exhausting.

I can't live in bed. I know this. But when I feel like this, I allow it for a day. 

So there I was, lying in bed, snuggled under the covers, alternating between being weepy and being sleepy. It reminded me of dealing with infertility. When there was nothing in my control and no end in sight. 

I thought about what was in my control. And then I thought about how I get to choose what I think about. I realized I was tired of the same 3 - 4 things I'd been thinking about and decided to think of other topics to let my brain rest on. 

Usually I can daydream about quilting lol. I like to think of design ideas, fabric combinations, and the next steps I will take on various projects. But that wasn't working for me today. So I had to find other topics to think about. After letting myself jump around to a bunch of different things on my mind, I rested on being grateful for my home and looking forward to having it put together.

It can be hard to redirect our thoughts, but it's something we can get better at with practice. 

(picture from Ralph Marston at


  1. Dear Phoenix,
    I totally agree with you. I have a friend who once told me that she chooses to which emotions she leaves space, because her energy comes from her emotions. I try to think about it when I'm angry or being pessimistic, even though it's not always easy ;-)
    I just read that you had to quit your job, I am very sorry about that. I wish you to enjoy if possible your free time before you find an amazing new job!
    Lots of love,

  2. "It can be hard to redirect our thoughts, but it's something we can get better at with practice."

    I love this, because I've found this too. I've written about it quite often - about banishing negative thoughts. Practicing this has helped me immeasurably in my private (non-nokidding) life too.

  3. I love that you allow the wallow for a period of time. I had a therapist who said "sometimes you have to sit in the shit... But not too long." Wise lady! It's tough right now. I hear you with just feeling a sort of existential exhaustion. Sending you virtual hugs. This can't last forever, right? The gratitude awareness helps for sure. 💜

  4. Yes, it is a collective experience even though it varies of course according to personal situations and regional differences.

    Just recently my DH told me that I should be stricter with my thoughts ;-)... not that easy! One thing that has helped me in the last few years is to practice gratitude, as you do it, too. Every night before I go to sleep, I think of three things I am grateful for that day.

    Today we are having sunshine – one thing I am grateful for :-)!

  5. Love this post, and the great comments, too! I've always said February is my worst month, with November a close second, but January can be very hard too... post-Christmas letdown, and crappy weather, combined with covid, is not a great mix...! I hope you're feeling a little better now. (((hugs)))