The biggest reason why I have kept this blog anonymous (hopefully!) is because I have written very honestly about my family. What they have said to me and how I have felt about different things throughout the years... This blog has been a safe place for me to vent, and I'd hate for them to find it, read it, and get their feelings hurt.
I love my family.
I love my mom, my dad, and my sisters. They gave me the greatest childhood, and I know I can count on them if I need anything.
No, they don't understand infertility. Kind of, like, not at all... But they do know how sad I was and how much I suffered. They know I left my marriage (obviously), moved to a new state (also obviously), and created a whole new life for myself. They haven't always understood it, but they are so happy for me that I am happy.
My parents and oldest sister just visited for the weekend. I cried when they left. (By now, you know that I am a crier lol.) They were tears of happiness because I love them so much and tears of sadness because I miss them already.
Families are weird. We are just born into our family and that's who our family is. They remember all the embarrassing stuff we did growing up and they kinda get fixed ideas about us.
For example, I'm the stressed out, anxious planner in my family. Yes, I need to chill out a little, but I also accept myself. Our strengths are our weaknesses and our weaknesses are our strengths. Channeling my anxiety productively has led to my new home, my new profession, and my newfound happiness. (Also, when my family needs to know something they call me! Lol. They know I have everything written down.)
Oh man, I needed to see my family. It reconnected me to them and to myself in ways I can't describe and didn't anticipate.
I didn't get to have my kids and raise them. But I do get to have my parents and sisters in my life.
I'm done taking that for granted.
What a lovely post! I'm so glad you had a lovely weekend together. Yes, families can be difficult. (I'm seen as the goody two-shoes. I love shocking my eldest sister - who likes to be the rebellious one - occasionally!) But they can be wonderful too. Sometimes at the same time, right? lol
ReplyDeleteI've lost both my parents now - my father was only in his mid-70s when he died. I would have loved him to see the woman I became as a result of being childless. I'm so glad you had some special time with them.
I am very happy for you!
ReplyDeleteI also love my family and I know they love me and have always loved me. But they also don't get an infertility. Like most of the people who never experienced confronting infertility & accepting childless life. For ever.
Omg, I talked to my middle sister last night and she kept saying how I "get tired easily." !!! She wouldn't drop it. It was so annoying. I feel like comments like those undermine everything I've accomplished over the last seven years.
ReplyDeleteSo yes, I love my family, but they are also exhausting. I'm so glad my parents and oldest sister visited but now that I've had a couple of days away from them... I realize how differently we choose to live.
Anyway, I still love them. It's complicated. But I'm very glad I have them. I don't take that for granted.
I blog semi-anonymously -- I try to be careful about what I write about family members in my blog, but I'm sure there's some stuff in there that could get me in trouble, if anyone found it & read it! I have my own life here now, but I still miss them and I'm always very grateful for whatever time we get together. I get what you're saying! :)
ReplyDeleteYes, I cherish our visits. They are never long enough. <3
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