Friday, March 10, 2023

March Again

March is transformative. The season goes from winter to spring. And for me, back in 2015, I went from trying to conceive to contemplating what a life without my children might look like. 

I haven't written until now this month because I've been working hard to meet a deadline for my proposed research project. It's interesting reading about involuntary childlessness in academic journals. It's really interesting that the majority of the research I've found has been published in the last couple of years. 

I think about how, this time last year, I didn't have my jobs and I wasn't back in school. I was wrapping up my three-month, self-imposed sabbatical after quitting what ended up being the worst job ever. (And the job before that had its own concerns! So that's saying something.)

I also think about how my Survivor Anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks. Has it really been eight years since my last failed IVF? That sounds so long ago...

Something is going on with me. I'm just not thinking straight. I saw an unfamiliar charge on my checking account this afternoon and called my bank attempting to file a claim on the fraudulent charge. Except it wasn't a charge. It was a credit. From my employer. It was my paycheck. 

[insert facepalm]

But hey, instead of losing money, I earned some money. And it was't fraudulent at all! So I'm glad it worked out like that instead of the other way around.

But on a more serious note? I need to notice that my brain is overloaded and give myself grace. Do a little less. Get more sleep. Breathe slowly and deeply. Eat. You know, all the basics.

It's good! I love my jobs. I love school. I'm very grateful. 

I also think changes are on the horizon. 

I suppose they always are... :)

Artist: Travis Parr, art work available here.


  1. Congratulations on your paycheck!!
    I love the Phoenix art!

    1. Haha, thank you Klara!!

      And isn't the Phoenix art awesome?? It's an artist who puts his work on skis. This is one of this year's models. I want them so bad. :)

  2. I can totally imagine seeing something unexpected on my bank account, and freaking out. How fantastic that it was your pay! And giving yourself grace. That's as good (or maybe better) than an unexpected credit in your account. Yay, you!

    1. I've been working so hard on school stuff. My brain is fried. I didn't even recognize my employer on my bank account! Hahaha. Oh well. It's money I earned and money I will spend on bills. :)

  3. Love the Phoenix art!

    Let me tell you an "anniversary" story. ;) It was coming up to the "anniversary" of our daughter's stillbirth, and one of the things we did around that time was make a donation to the pregnancy loss group we attended & later facilitated. I wrote the cheque (for $100 -- I thought...!) and mailed it and didn't think anything of it. About a week later, I got a call from the organization's treasurer, a woman I knew pretty well. She said, "We wanted to thank you for your VERY generous donation... but, ummm... we thought the amount was just a LITTLE odd..." I said, "What was the amount?" And she said (something like) "$945.52." Ooops! (After I looked at my chequebook register, I realized I had written the cheque for the entire BALANCE in the account!!) We both started laughing, and I said, "I wish I could give you that much, but that was NOT the amount I intended!" and she said, "I didn't think so!" She offered to tear up the cheque and I wrote her a new one. (Thank goodness we knew each other, and she noticed the weird amount!) Talk about anniversary brain...! lol

    So, cut yourself some slack (especially around these dates that stick in our brain, even subconsciously...!). <3

    1. Oh gosh!! I guess it happens to all of us then. The brain is an interesting thing, for sure. We have to protect our mental health!!