Halloween used to be the hardest day of the year for me. I wrote about it here in 2016.
And then last year I passed out candy and enjoyed it.
Things change. For better or worse, nothing stays the same.
The fall season brings back-to-school, then Halloween, and then Thanksgiving. The season changes to winter and we have Christmas/Xmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and the New Year.
It's a rhythm that people who are childless not-by-choice imagined sharing with their children.
And it's freaking hard to deal with not getting to do all of that with your kids year after year.
So wherever you are in your experience with infertility and involuntary childlessness, go easy on yourself. This shit is NOT easy. Nothing can take the place of this profound loss.
Remind yourself that you won't feel this way forever. Who knows how you will feel in the future. But it won't be this.
And if you are getting to a place where you can enjoy some aspects or traditions, let yourself.
You deserve to enjoy your life.
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I love this. Sending hugs and love from NZ, where the holidays don't start till December.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! And I think having the freedom to choose how you celebrate holidays as an adult, like choosing a different day to celebrate with family so you can enjoy the day your way, whatever that looks like. I'm glad Halloween came back for you, it's such a fun holiday with zero family obligations or travel, ha ha.
ReplyDeleteYay, I can comment again!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad things have changed for the better for you. Also, I am grateful to live in a place where the holidays start much later...