Monday, November 20, 2023

Give Yourself Time and Grace

Thanksgiving has always been a time where I can gauge my anxiety level. 

Many, many years ago I remember calling my best friend from the grocery store parking lot and telling her I was too anxious to go grocery shopping. She could not relate, but she assured me that it was fine and I was capable. She encouraged me to go inside, get what was on my list, and be done. And I did. And it was fine. But I felt really silly and slightly embarrassed that I was so anxious. And that happened way before my years of infertility.

Infertility shot my anxiety straight up. Higher than ever. Like, I was overachieving with how much anxiety one person could feel. I'm sure a lot of you understand.

And then I couldn't come down. Even after I quit trying to conceive. Even after I came up with the idea to go back to school and eventually move. I could not calm my nerves. And the smallest, slightest thing could make me feel so terrible.

Do you deal with anxiety? It's a very uncomfortable feeling. It's mental thing, a physical thing, and an emotional thing. Anxiety sucks. I wish I knew that's what I was dealing with back in high school. I had no idea. I just felt crazy sometimes.

One of the reasons why I moved to the town where I ultimately settled is because the first time I drove through it I felt at peace. The feeling reminded me of how I felt when I was a little kid living in a small town. Content, not crazy. 

I'm a city kid (because I lived in a large city for 25 years), but I think I'm really a country mouse.

I've been here 3 years now. Each year my entire body calms down a notch.

I went to the store last week to buy a turkey and a ham. I wasn't stressed at all. I admit that I took a couple of deep breaths before going into the store, but that was really only to recognize how far I've come. 

Infertility sucked and my recovery has taken a decade.


4 comments:

  1. Sending (((hugs))), Phoenix. I started having awful anxiety attacks around the time of my last failed infertility cycle. I realized then that, to some extent, I've always been an anxious person, but that was awful. :( I still struggle with anxiety from time to time (including today, in fact!), although it hasn't been that bad in years, and I generally know what I can do to help myself over the hump. Not fun, though...! Glad you're doing better these days too!

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    1. Infertility is very anxiety-provoking. And once anxiety is inflamed, it can be so hard to bring it back down. I'm so glad I have knowledge and coping strategies now.

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  2. Your title says it all. I'm so glad you were not stressed. I've certainly always been shy and nervous of certain or new experiences, and I disliked supermarkets (for eg) when I was grieving my losses, because I felt so conspicuous (even though I'm sure I wasn't), and there were so many triggers. But I haven't really suffered from anxiety like this. It must be horrible. I hope you are very proud of yourself for getting through it, and knowing how to cope. Hugs.

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    1. It's interesting. With anxiety, it seems better now that I've just (mostly) accepted it. When I feel anxious now (which is often), I just recognize it and acknowledge it and try to be nice to myself. "Oh look, I'm feeling anxious about this. I am worrying about everything that can go wrong. Good thing I can handle whatever comes my way!" It helps. Haha.

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