I am getting so excited. I get to share my research about involuntary childlessness later this month. I'm nervous too, but mostly excited. If just one person stops by my poster to ask about my research, I will be so happy. My presentation handout has been submitted, and I have my poster printed and ready to go. One of my professors recommended getting a fabric poster, and I'm so glad she did. It will be easier to carry on the plane. I'll share next month how it goes!
That's pretty much all that is on my mind.
Other than that, I'll be honest, I am enjoying living alone so far. It gives me the space for the rest that I desperately need. I'm going to work, paying the bills, doing the dishes and laundry, cooking a little bit, eating delicious leftovers, and doing something social every week. I will figure out how to add housecleaning and exercising to my routine as well.
Other than that, I am resting.
Radically resting.
Profoundly resting.
When my last round of IVF did not result in pregnancy, I felt an extreme urgency to figure something else out for my life. I had planned on being a mother for 35 years, but then I had to completely switch gears, think of something else, and make it happen. And I felt this strange urge to start THEN. Not wait until I felt better. Not wait a minute longer.
And I never stopped. I just kept going.
And now I am resting. I'm equally tired and grateful. I have my home. I get along with my family and see them several times a year. I like where I live and what I do for work. I've got hobbies and interests. I've even made some new friends over the last year. I'm part of a professional association and a monthly social group. And I'm not making any more commitments than that.
My life is so full.
But for so long, my life felt so empty...
It began with empty arms and spread to my very existence.
I am glad to be on this side of things now. Eternally grateful.
There is always the other side to things... Keep moving through it.
And be sure to rest.
For me, resting looks like this: giving myself permission to do less, making warm tasty food at home, taking baths, taking naps, sewing, reading a book or magazine, looking out the window, taking slow deep breaths, relaxing my shoulders, and telling myself that I'm proud of myself.
How do you rest?
That is so exciting about your poster presentation! Congratulations! And I'm glad you're settling in and enjoying living in your own. And also, I love that radical rest. Rest is highly underrated, and even subversive in a culture that overvalues busyness. Replenish, restore, rejuvenate! Rest for me is reading a book, prioritizing sleep, doing a puzzle. Making a clear separation between work and home during the week (sadly Sundays are work days.) dedicating Saturday to rest. So important to normalize rest as necessary. (I do also realize that rest is a privilege, which makes me sad and feel that society is broken.)
ReplyDeleteThat's an important point: "rest is a privilege." I appreciate that you said that. So when we can't rest in the moment, we need to hold on until we can. And if/when we can, we *need* to rest. It's hard though. Like you said, rest can be subversive. To rest, one has to overcome so much, including societal influences and subconscious habits. So... We practice. And the more we do it, the better we get at it. Resting. <3
DeleteOh, I love this! Yes, I've written a lot about that desire to move onto The Next Big Thing. I'm very familiar with it, as are others, I'm sure. Radical resting - what a wonderful concept. And in this crazy life that keeps so many going 24/7, it's more important than ever. And as Jess said, a privilege.
ReplyDeleteI'm good at resting, simply because I've never had the energy to be on the go all the time. Sure, I've been really busy many many times (even when taking a holiday, it would take me a week to wind down, and then a week before coming home, I'd start stressing out again), but I've always known I need to have time to myself, and always ensure there is time to catch up on sleep. I'm very encouraged that there is a greater emphasis on sleep these days. Maybe rest and relaxation will come next.
For me, I read, write, binge-watch, sleep, exercise. Afternoon naps are the best! Forget projects that are stressing me out. (Though sometimes, finishing the project creates the best opportunity for real, profound, rest.) And sometimes, doing something unimportant that requires concentration, like editing photos or baking or painting or planning trips (without a deadline), can help calm and silence my brain. Though these days I'm so much better at stopping the voices in my head that often used to interrupt my rest periods.
Such an important topic! Enjoy your rest.
Yes! Feeling like you have to figure out The Next Big Thing. It... doesn't feel good. I felt desperate and frantic and I was starting on empty.
DeleteI need my downtime too. I needed it when I was a kid as well, but that wasn't in my control. There was always a schedule--school and activities and church and family stuff. All good things but I remember wanting days to just do nothing, not go anywhere, and play or read in my room lol.
I think changing our inner voice helps. We can encourage ourselves to rest a little instead of telling ourselves we should be doing something every waking moment.
Dear Phoenix, I left a comment here a while ago. Did it "get eaten by the internet"? Much love and happy Easter! <3
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I think it disappeared into the ether. I checked my spam folder too, but it's not there.
DeleteThank you! I hope you enjoyed a day of rest. <3
Then I will try again :-).
DeleteI hope your poster presentation went well! I am looking forward to hearing about it, too. I did wish you luck and success in my earlier (lost) comment, but I guess you are back home already.
Resting for me is reading, going for walks, sleeping in (if I can), pottering around the garden... Today I stayed in my PJs until 2 p.m. reading... which is the perfect relaxed day in my mind. I will go for a walk later.
Much love!
Switch gardening for sewing and we have the same relaxing day! Actually, I would love to learn to garden. It's on my list of stuff I want to do eventually. :)
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