I recently traveled to see family. It was great to see people. I will never take our collective health and availability to get together for granted. However, I noticed that I did not feel completely at ease.
Last week's trip really showed me how I've completely changed my life.
It's not something I can totally put into words yet, but all of the mixed feelings are right there under the surface just waiting to be sorted through.
I am so different from my family. The biggest difference is that I am childless. I am also divorced and have not remarried. I do not make a lot of money. I do not live in a city with all of its conveniences. I do not even live in the same state as most of them. (And trust me, cultural differences between states definitely exist.)
My life is fundamentally different from those I grew up with. It is structured differently. It has different demands and requirements. I do not have their same routines and milestones. Therefore, I cannot live life the way they do. I have to live my own life, whether my family understands this or not.
It was just really apparent to me recently in a way it has never been before. All of the criticisms, all of the suggestions that were given to me... They just don't make sense anymore. They don't relate to me. I no longer listen to them.
You know how you can sometimes feel lonely even when you are surrounded by love? In those moments while out of town, I would remember my home. I would think about my sewing room and my new friends (all of whom are either childless or their children are grown, so we have the same rhythms in life right now). I thought about my boyfriend who comforts me and makes me laugh all day long.
I love my family so much. I also love my completely different life that I've worked so hard to create.
(This website is shared for photo credit; I am unfamiliar with and do not endorse its services.)
<3
ReplyDeleteDear Phoenix,
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this! I know your and my life, path and families are different, and yet I can see some parallels (again :-)).
First of all, I am sorry you were criticized when seeing your family. This must be so hard, especially coming from people you love. I do like this part though: "They just don't make sense anymore. They don't relate to me. I no longer listen to them." I can feel a sort of emotional independence that feels... more self-confident? More independent? I think it is a good thing. You should be proud of that <3!
It is funny because I have just published a post about how I feel with my own family. I guess I am lucky because I get no overt criticism from them. But I can very much feel that there is a lack of understanding. Their lives revolve around their children and grandchildren, so much so that they are busy and stressed. Like you, I have taken decisions that result in my life looking very different from theirs. I don't have kids either. I also decided that money is not the most important thing in my life. I have a part-time job AND a life as a self-employed creative. Which comes with very different challenges. Challenges that I cannot discuss with my parents, for example, because it triggers their own fears. They mean well, but they can still be quite hurtful in their comments.
So, once again, it seems to me, that you and I, even though thousands of kilometers apart, have a few things in common. It helps not to be alone with this <3. So thank you for sharing.
Much love,
Elaine
PS: Love the comic! It is so true.
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