I went through more of my stuff this weekend. I am determined to get home repairs done and feel decluttered. It's my personal mission for 2025 and the sooner the better. This is an example of where I like the end result, NOT the process.
I finally got my closet organizer built and installed. I ordered it over a year ago. But hey, there's no time like the present. There's a remodeling company in town, and they were grateful for indoor work during this cold month. A couple of different people came over to do drywell patching, toilet fixing, shower caulking, door knob replacing, and, my favorite, building the closet organizer.
If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: it's the little things that are the big things.
I haven't had a functional closet since my apartment six years ago. And I was a little distracted back then, what with my husband not moving with me after we had planned to move out of state for three years. Yeah... My headspace wasn't exactly where I could appreciate having a closet.
But now. Oh... Times are different, I've adjusted, and I'm just trying to get functional so I can live the rest of my life, whatever the world brings...
So I spent the weekend unpacking a couple of boxes that had been packed since I sold the house I bought for my children. It was shoes, clothes, and jackets. I tried everything on and was pleasantly surprised that about half still fit. I mean, it's been a long nine years full of sedentary activities (going back to school twice and enduring a pandemic) and a slowing metabolism.
I hung some clothes up! I put other clothes in a giveaway pile! I got rid of more boxes!
Slowly, but surely I am getting more functional. I am honestly revving up here at the end because I am OVER IT and charging forward until all this shit is DONE.
Because it's exhausting. Trying on old clothes because they're still in good condition and you might want to wear them but thinking about the person you were when you wore them when you were living a completely different life... It was a lot. So, I kept what fit and what I liked and I'll give away the rest.
That was Saturday. Then on Sunday I faced my desk. When I hit my limit back in July, everything just piled up on my desk. And today I faced it. Because it wasn't going to be done until I did it.
So boring but true. That's life. There's a lot to manage and maintain.
And when you're going through infertility or grief of any kind or debilitating stress of any kind, it massively affects your ability to function. It's amazing that we can do anything at all.
I feel like I'm playing catch-up from my 2024 burnout when I never got caught up from my 2012 - 2015 infertility. Again, I know that's life. I'm not complaining, just acknowledging.
Today I texted a friend some pictures of what I've been quilting. She said, "It's nice that you have time to do that." I really don't think she meant anything negative by that but I still replied, "I make time for it. I feel less anxious when I sew."
And that's where I am. Trying to maintain. Trying to get shit done. Coordinating home repair services isn't my favorite thing to do, but I'm always grateful when there are people available to do the work. Decluttering. Still shifting through remnants of my past life, of the life that didn't go as planned. I'm getting closer to the end of my stuff and I'm glad. I'll be relieved when it's over.
I decided to call it. I decided that I'm done recovering from burnout. I took six months to commit to nothing else, follow through with what I'd committed to, and rest as much as possible. I did that. Now I'm still not committing to anything else new, but I do have a quilt group and a volunteer activity in addition to my jobs. I'm still resting a lot, but now I'm also incorporating things like cooking and exercise. I'm no longer recovering from burnout. Now I am restoring my health.
And that's what I'll be doing, to the best of my ability, for the rest of the year.
