I've shared that I hit extreme burnout last year. It was awful. I took the whole month of December off. I went to work and that was it. No meetings, no appointments, no traveling. I went to the grocery store and checked the mail. I did the bare minimum.
Then I spent the first 6 months of 2025 following through but not adding anything. I went to work. I went to appointments. I finished a quilt top, the hardest one I've sewn so far! And I am so close to finishing the draft of my research article that is good enough to submit for publication. (If accepted, I will get it back with lots of edits to make. But I want to submit the best work I can.)
I feel sooo much better. There are physical signs. Instead of sleeping 10-12 hours a night, I am sleeping 8-9 hours a night. There are emotional signs. When I feel stressed, I can breathe and talk myself through it instead of falling apart or shutting down. There are spiritual signs. I feel more connected to something bigger than me. I refuse to give up. I will continue living my little life sharing the light I have with everyone that comes into my orbit.
*****
July 4th.
Yesterday was a contrast in anniversaries.
One year ago yesterday I received a phone call from my niece where she was unexpectedly and very shockingly rude, hateful, and condescending to me. When I shared a little about that phone call with other close family members, nobody reacted much. I had to explain why what she said and did was so wrong. It changed everything. It was/is very, very hard for me. I still think about it often. I give myself grace. We navigate and manage what comes our way the best way we can in the moment.
On the other hand, four years ago yesterday my boyfriend and I moved into our home. If we are still at this address next year, it will be the longest I've ever lived anywhere in my life. I cannot describe the feelings that my home gives me, but... I bought this house for the life I have now. I never planned on or even imagined raising children here. And logistically, I haven't had to change my address for the last four years. I haven't had to shut off and start up a bunch of different utilities and services. I haven't had to pack up everything and move it.
I've been allowed to just be.
I want that for you. Prioritize your well-being.
I'll leave you with another July 4th anniversary.
Six years ago I wrote this post: The Cost of My Freedom
I just LOVE the first three sentences and the quotes, Phoenix! Also I'm glad you are feeling so much better than in December ♡.
ReplyDeleteThank you Elaine. <3 Thank you so much.
DeleteI am also very glad you are feeling so much better now. Self-care is so important. And when we are childless, and have families who don't understand, it is even more so - because if we don't take care of ourselves and set boundaries, no-one else will do it for us. Though even as I write this, I'm thinking of women in relationships or with selfish children who have no boundaries, or feel they have no ability or right to set boundaries. Maybe our lessons can be passed on to them too.
ReplyDeleteI'm very thankful you are writing about this. I just know it is going to help people. It is actually very similar in message to my post this week. "This is not the time for accomplishments." Survival and self-care are in themselves more than enough, and major achievements.
Brava, Phoenix!
Thank you Mali. Grieving motherhood and working to change my entire life completely wore me out over the last 10 years. I had no resources to use to protect myself in 2024. I had very little awareness that I was in such damaging relationships with some family members and one of my jobs at the time. It can be very, very hard to face the truth but it is necessary. Just like rest is necessary. You are right. Survival and self-care ARE the achievements.
DeleteGoing backwards in time, you are on a Tom Petty kick! :) Great quotes. And I'm glad you are feeling better than before and you are taking care of yourself. You know yourself so well. I'm sorry about what happened with your niece, that sounds horrid. But also, great anniversary with your boyfriend. Everything seems to be a ride of ups and downs, I'm glad lately there's more ups, and you're now more prepared to cope with the downs.
ReplyDeleteTom Petty has the best lyrics. He's got a line for everything.
DeleteThank you, Jess. <3