This year has been very different. Last spring marked 10 years since my last round of IVF. So it has now been 10.5 years that I have known I won't be raising children in this lifetime. I've had time to grieve, process, and create a different life than the one I planned for 35 years.
Nine years ago I wrote about how Halloween was the hardest day of the year.
Then three years ago I passed out candy and enjoyed it.
Two years ago I wrote about taking care of yourself during the holiday season.
Then today, on Halloween, I texted several friends ASKING to see pictures of their costumed kids. I saw an Eeyore, a Paw Patrol member, a dragon slayer, a character from Inside Out, a unicorn, a cheerleader, a Minecraft cow, three skeletons, and two little monsters from Where the Wild Things Are. I loved every single picture. My friends live all over, so I haven't even met all of their kids, but I really enjoyed seeing all of their costumes.
This day used to hurt me more than any other and now it doesn't.
I used to avoid everyone's pictures and now I am requesting them.
Things change. If you're willing to do the hard work of feeling your feelings and creating something new, it gets better. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you deserve to enjoy your life.
Art by SelfLoveRainbow
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