Saturday, November 19, 2016

When I Decided to Try Treatment

Ahhhh... A moment to breathe! That was one busy week. Busy is good these days though so I'm not complaining. :)


Ever since I wrote last week about an acquaintance going through fertility treatment, I've had treatment on my mind. So maybe I'll write a few posts about my experience.

First, how did I decide to try fertility treatment?

Well, my husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for two years. I tried to be patient that first year, even though things seemed to be perfectly timed every month and every month it didn't happen. I always thought I'd try for a year and then move on to medical assistance. However, after that first year, I did not proceed directly to the doctor's office. I was mad. And sad. And scared. And annoyed. And figured I just needed to be more patient, that it would eventually happen.

I was hanging out with a very good friend one day when she asked me directly why I hadn't been to the doctor yet. I shared that we had all the basic testing done and that there were problems on both sides of the equation. She looked at me very lovingly and said it was okay if I sought medical help, that I "deserved to be pregnant."

That really stuck with me. I didn't realize until that point how much guilt I felt. And I claim to hardly ever feel guilty... But I had a lot of subconscious baggage going on: it was my fault, I had waited too long, I wasn't healthy enough, I'm just not relaxed enough (I know! That last one makes me cringe! But those messages that I heard so much had slowly seeped into my brain.)

And in that moment I realized, I *do* deserve to be pregnant.

I went home and, the following Monday, I made my first appointment with the fertility clinic.


  1. I know this feeling too well. It took us a while to make the jump and schedule an appointment with the fertility clinic too.

  2. I also know that feeling. I started to have the darkest, most self-destructive thoughts about why I wasn't fit to ever be pregnant, until the thought of me being pregnant almost disgusted me. I wish I'd had someone saying to me that I deserved it...she sounds like a good friend.