Saturday, March 11, 2017

Other People's Pregnancies

I'm skipping another party today.

This one is for a gender reveal party.

I can't stand the idea of a gender reveal party.

First of all, to be more accurate, they should be called sex reveal parties. Gender is a social construct. Sex refers to anatomy. Second of all, it kills me that people start gender socialization before the baby is even born.

At least with this friend I could joke about it. When she told me she was pregnant, she told me in the funniest and most thoughtful way. She knows about my infertility and lifelong desire to have children, and I will always be grateful for how she shared her news of pregnancy with me. In fact, I noticed that she told me before she announced on social media. A little consideration goes a long way.

When she invited me to her gender reveal party, I told her it should be called a sex reveal party. She agreed but said she didn't feel comfortable inviting her friends and family to her baby's "genital reveal party" so she was just gonna stick with the regular "gender reveal party" title. Hahaha. She has a great sense of humor.

Because of all of this (how she told me, her awareness of gender/sex, and the fact that she's just so cool), I thought about going to this party. I was added to the event invite on social media and I RSVP'd with a Maybe.

I couldn't do it.

Because of the nature of the event invite being on social media, I could see every update to the event and everyone's comments about it. Everyone is SO excited. As they should be. This is a super cool couple and they have a ton of friends. But, me personally, I was having a hard time with all of their comments and mommy advice and everything. And my friend is very excited as well. As she should be. But when she posted her fourth ultrasound picture, I knew I couldn't do it. I changed my RSVP from Maybe to Can't Make It and quickly left the event invite.

It's going to be a fun party. There will be a lot of interesting people there. And they are going to have a nacho bar. But my absence will in no way diminish my friend's happiness. And I have to do what's best for me.

I can't be a part of other people's pregnancies. And that's okay.

My life is going in a different direction.


  1. She posted FOUR ultrasound pictures? Good grief!

    I have found that it's not necessarily the pregnant people I can't deal with, but it's the reactions of others to the pregnancies that are hardest to deal with.

    One day you might feel able to do this. Don't discount that. But right now you can't, and that's okay.

    1. Yep, FOUR. She was the last person I thought would go "baby crazy" but she has. Oh well. I'm glad she's excited. But I don't really see much of a future for our friendship. That's okay. I wish her well and I am busy creating a new life for myself.

  2. I know. I also couldn't be part of other people's pregnancies. If I were, it would break me.

    Do you know what is the beautiful part of being infertile & aging? I am 43 now and somehow after I am 40, there aren't any pregancies around me any more. Well, obviously there are at work - but this I can handle. But among my friends... there aren't.

    1. Yes, I look forward to getting older for many more reasons now. :) Of course, I look at all my classmates in school (I am the oldest woman in the program by far) and I just see all the pregnancies in the future. But that's okay too. I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone who wants to have children. Plus, our coursework will end next year so I won't really be around all their future pregnancies anyway.

      My husband and I plan on moving and I look forward to meeting new people our age who don't have children. I've already looked online and it looks like there are several active meetup groups for people who do not have children where we plan on moving to. There are none where we currently live. I am so excited, I can barely wait!