Wednesday, July 31, 2019

For Those Suffering

Recovering from infertility without getting to raise children is a long, hard undertaking. It can be lonely, traumatic, and feel almost impossible to survive. But life CAN get worth living again. It might take a long time and life definitely won't look like what you thought it would, but it is miraculously possible to want to live again.

That's why I appreciate Life Without Baby's post called Who Are You? so much. You slowly but surely go through phases as you recover from life-altering loss and this post does a nice job of summarizing some of those phases.

There was a time, a very long time period, where I definitely did not think it was possible to ever want to live again. I spent years alternating between feeling like walking death and feeling like all of my emotions and nerve endings were on the outside of my skin and everything was extremely painful.

Who was I? A tortured soul. Grieving the loss of my children. A woman who was involuntarily alive.

Who am I now? A changed person. Healing from the loss of motherhood. A strong fucking woman who is happily surprised to be content, at peace, and even excited to be here.


  1. I can't begin to put into words how this post makes me feel. Wow. The words "a woman who was involuntarily alive" describes exactly how i have felt. I'm going to have to save this and re-read this a few times.

    1. Hi JT <3 I'm sorry you have experienced infertility, but I'm glad this post resonated with you. You are definitely not alone. I wrote this post because I felt like so many of my recent posts have been upbeat and if I had stumbled across my own blog during my darkest years I would not have believed myself. Life can get good again?? I don't know if I could have even stomached myself. Meaning, my positivity, as sincere and non-toxic as I try to be, would have gotten on my old self's nerves! I'm thankful to now be content, but I'll never forget what I survived.

  2. Brava! I so love to see my blogging friends coming out of those really hard days, months, years and shining in the sun as you are.

  3. Dear Phoenix, thank you for writing this post. "A woman who was involuntarily alive": I can relate so much to this sentence! It is incredible to see how much we have progressed on you path towards acceptance and gratitude. Sending love!

  4. Amen to all of this! I am so glad you are in a different place these days! :)