Thursday, July 11, 2019

My Last Name

I was never going to change my name if/when I got married. But my (now ex) husband wanted his children to have his last name and I wanted my children to have my last name, so it just made sense for me to change my name. Plus, I liked his last name and so, after a lifetime of saying "I would never," I did.

I changed my last name solely for my children.

And now I am divorced and in the process of restoring my old name.

Every task related to changing my name back irritates me. Frustrates me. But I know what this is about. I've been here before. It's not about changing my name, per se. The irritation and frustration is about infertility. It's about shedding the last physical remnant I have left of my children.


Well, that makes sense why it's so hard.


  1. Sending (((hugs))). That does make sense.

    My university roommate changed her name when she got married the first time. After they split, she decided to take her maiden name back. She went through a lot of legal hoops to get that done and then get all her ID changed, etc.... and then she had her wallet stolen. She had to go through all the hoops of getting all that ID replaced, AGAIN. She's been married twice more since then (and is now engaged again!), and has never changed her name again. ;) I can't say I blame her...!

  2. It makes complete sense. I'm sending hugs.

  3. Oof, that is definitely stabby. Changing your name is such a pain, but it's also marking a change in your life. My divorce was a different situation, but I remember getting my papers and then going immediately to get rid of that name, that association. For you it's a letting go, another piece to mourn. I'm so sorry, sending so much love to you.

  4. Yeah, it definitely makes sense. Sending you hugs.

  5. Dear Phoenix, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I didn't change my last name because I didn't want to go through months of paper work (and also because I don't accept that it's always the woman who changes her name and never the man). But I always thought that the question would arise again for our children...
    I find it beautiful that you did it for your children, and I can imagine how painful it is to change back to your maiden name, being reminded to infertility. I hope you will soon be done with it. I send you hugs and a lot of courage <3