I couldn't stop my current stressors, but I could give myself a break for a day. The night before I texted my team, arranged for coverage for my classes, and fell asleep at 7:30pm.
I slept an entire 12 hours, waking up at 7:30am. Then I drank coffee and read online. I ate, sewed some, and watched a little tv. I didn't do much else. I was not productive. Despite having things that needed to get done, being productive is not what I needed the most.
I've had a tough week. There have been several different things that have inflamed my infertility-related sadness. I recognize them and they make sense and it's okay, but I still feel my sadness which is also okay and very much real. My sadness doesn't take away from my happiness. I have room for both. But, being low on resources, I needed a day that required nothing from me.
So I took it.
(If that's what you need, I highly recommend doing the same.)
I barely even sewed. I was that depleted. But I did enjoy sewing for a little bit. I've started a new project that I'm excited about. It will be my fifth quilt. I can barely believe it. I took my first quilting class just last spring. But I got it in my head to sew four "get 'em done" quilts, one for each season. So that's what I did. Without regard for perfection whatsoever. If I had stopped for every mistake I made while making my first four quilts, I'd still be working on the first one.
So, without much more introduction, here they are: my Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring quilts.
I love your quilts! I’ve never quilted but I admired my mom doing it and have always enjoyed their beauty and comfort. I’m really glad you took the time you needed to recharge. I agree that is so important. 💕
ReplyDeleteThank you! I love quilting for the same reasons: beauty and comfort. It's such a functional art form. :)
DeleteWow - beautiful quilts, Phoenix! It looks like you have been more than productive in the last year. You can be proud of that. But what is even more important is that you give yourself the time you need to recharge. I'm sorry that you had a tough week. I love how you recognize and validate your feelings and needs though <3! Sending hugs...
ReplyDeleteThank you. <3 After my experience with infertility, I learned a lot about myself and how I grew up in my family. Namely, I realized that my feelings were almost always invalidated. So now that's what I try to do for myself, to validate and accept my own feelings without judgement.
DeleteI love your quilts. And you know that perfection is unattainable, and some artists deliberately put mistakes in their works to make a point!
ReplyDeleteAnd don't you feel powerful, understanding yourself and treating yourself with respect? I'm so proud for you! (It relates very much to the post I've just this minute put up.)
Thank you! I had a lot of fun making them. I didn't think I'd like quilting because I'm not into precision, but I quickly learned it doesn't matter. Even full of mistakes, a quilt is still a quilt! :) Warm and snuggly and aesthetically pleasing.
DeleteI love your quilts!
ReplyDeletesending lots of love from sLOVEnia,
Klara
Thank you Klara! <3
DeleteI’m sorry your batteries had run so low you needed a recharge day, although I’m glad you were able to take one and give yourself exactly what you needed in those hours. Sometimes being unproductive is the most productive, proactive thing we can do for ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI hope things have been a bit lighter for you since xx
I agree! "Sometimes being unproductive is the most productive." I had a yoga teacher say once to "Slow down to do more" and that made sense to me. I'm glad I could take a day off too. It was an emotional week for me, but some time has passed, my mind has calmed down a bit, and life continues to flow on. :)
DeleteYour quilts are stunning Phoenix
ReplyDeleteThank you Shores!! <3
DeleteYour quilts are gorgeous! I love the vibrant contrasting backings. What an awesome project to feed your soul (and keep you warm!).
ReplyDeleteOh man, I'm so proud of your self care day. You must have really needed it, and it's lovely to be able to honor that. Teachers are so bad at taking that time to recharge low batteries, sometimes it feels easier to go in than to write sub plans and arrange all that must be arranged. It's so worth it though, and you're probably going to avoid getting sick from being run down.
I'm sorry your infertility grief is rearing up. Thinking of you and sending you love for those tough days.
I have a great team at work and I'm so grateful for them. And yes, I think taking a day off probably warded off illness. Sometimes taking day off can be more preventative than anything. Thanks for your support Jess. <3
DeleteQuilting is so much fun, in part because there is fabric for everybody these days. Whatever colors, patterns, or themes you like, there is a fabric collection out there.
"My sadness doesn't take away from my happiness. I have room for both." It is beautifully said, I love this!
ReplyDeleteYour quilts are wonderful :-)
I appreciate your understanding. Sometimes it feels weird to hold so much sadness and so much happiness at the same time. Thank you! <3
DeleteWonderful quilts! Thanks so much for sharing them with us. I have a few friends who are quilters... while I have never done it myself, I appreciate the work that goes into each one!
ReplyDeleteGlad you took a day off when you felt you needed it. Sometimes doing nothing is exactly what you need. (((hugs)))