I am still very excited about finally moving out of my storage unit, but I definitely underestimated the emotional toll it would take to unpack. Imagine having everything from your life suddenly sitting in your living room. It's overwhelming.
Feeling overwhelmed is why I got a storage unit in the first place. I was sitting in the beautiful house that I bought for my children wondering what I was going to do with my childless life. Well, I figured, I wasn't staying here. So I started to pack.
I started with the nursery. We hadn't bought a crib or anything, but I did have a wall lined with bookshelves where I had unpacked a lot of my kids books and stuffed animals. I didn't need any of it, but I also couldn't let it go. It all went into boxes.
The boxes piled up around the house for the rest of 2015. Everything was being packed.
In 2016 it all went into storage. What was I going to do with a bunch of onesies? I didn't know, but I couldn't deal with it at the time. So everything went into a box.
In 2018 I moved everything from storage in one state to storage in another state. I still wanted my stuff, but everything from a four-bedroom house was not going to fit in a one-bedroom apartment. Then I kept moving each year, trying to find my landing spot for the rest of my life.
Last year I bought my house. Then it still took a whole additional year to deal with/coordinate my move out of storage. It hasn't even been a month, but I still feel like I haven't really felt the accomplishment that moving out of storage is after failed IVF and throwing everything in boxes.
I'm glad my stuff is here. I'm glad I get to go through it and decide what I want to keep.
It's also overwhelming.
What do I do with all of the onesies I bought from my undergraduate university?
What do I do with my textbooks about teaching kids how to read?
What in the world do I do with my 20 boxes of kids books?
It's a lot to be confronted with the entirety of one's life.
Oh, you had plans to have kids? Too bad.
Oh, you were a teacher (and a good one at that) but can no longer afford to be one? I'm sorry.
Oh, you were going to decorate a big house but now need to downsize? First world problems.
And it's true. Having too much stuff is a first world problem. I acknowledge my privilege and am thankful for my life. But I still get to grieve my failed plans. And I still have to figure out what to do with all this stuff.
Why wasn't I expecting an emotional reaction? I mean, this is *me* we are talking about... I have an emotional response to most everything. But, I admit, I was not prepared. This adventure in unpacking has taken me by surprise.
So I'm doing it in small chunks. I'm reminding myself that I'm on my own timeline. Yes, I want to get rid of all these boxes. And I will. In my own time.
It is a lot to process, take your time. You have landed now and you have time to figure out. Be kind to yourself and know that you are amazing and strong and need to cry and laugh and scream. You have earned it all.
ReplyDeleteCheck, check, and check! I successfully cried, laughed, and screamed just yesterday--all in one day! :)
DeleteThank you for your comment. Thank you for telling me I am amazing and strong and to take my time. I needed to hear that. <3
Emotions are often surprising, when we think we can cope with something, but find that the emotions of all the little things creep up on us. Small chunks is sensible. You're so good at self-care. But it's still hard. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mali. <3
DeleteIt's just STUFF. It's embarrassing to get so emotional over STUFF. Stuff isn't what's meaningful or important in life...
Or, is it? I've been thinking a lot about "stuff" recently. How it can trigger memories... How it can contribute to our identity... Our stuff is actually kinda powerful.
However, I look forward to having a box-free house. Maybe that's a goal for 2023. :)
It’s not embarrassing to get emotional over ‘stuff’ at all… these items, they each hold a memory of another more innocent time in your life so I can totally understand the attachment to them, the seeing them as you unpack them, the emotions each one brings up. If I sound like I’ve gone all 'Marie Kondo’ on you, I apologise!
ReplyDeleteI imagine it is very triggering seeing all the different items you have carefully packed away too. I am sending you a huge virtual hug and wish I could be there with you in person as you sift through items with a hot beverage of your choice, cake and conversation. These things are tough! You don’t have to be. Take it all in your own time.
Love and kind thoughts with you as you process this xxx
What a contrast my blogging friends' words are to my mother's! She doesn't understand why I kept everything and paid for storage in the first place. Now she doesn't understand why I haven't unpacked already.
DeleteI will continue to take my time. Thank you for your offer of cake! Cake makes everything better!! Thank you, Bamberlamb. :)
Feel all those feels. You basically unearthed a time capsule from a very painful time. It's been sitting in your storage unit and now it is OUT. So it makes sense that it's bringing up a lot. An eruption of everything that was sort of put to the side. Being confronted with the artifacts of your disassembled dreams is HARD. I'm sorry this is such a late comment, but I am thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI donated my onesies (except for maybe 3 or 4 that live in a box in the attic, because I loved them too much to let them go). I think finding a place like a domestic violence shelter or an organization for women can make it feel like you are passing them along to someone who really needs them and who can give them a life. I donated a bunch of my books and then kept a bunch and parsed them out bit by bit to family, friends, people who would truly enjoy the special ones. The books were harder for me than the clothes. But it's nice to think of them going to someone who will enjoy it and pass it on.
Sending you so many hugs and loving kindness. This is hard.
Thank you, Jess. I agree that the items were meant to be used. Donating them is the best idea and I've got a lot of "give away" boxes started in my house!
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