Getting Through & Reaching Out

I am going to get right to the point. I am going through a breakup. And it sucks. I hate it so, so much. I love companionship, and I don't love change. Plus, we aren't breaking up because we stopped loving each other. We are going our separate ways because of a (kinda long) list of things we could not work through together. It's really sad and hard.

So that is what I am going through. That is what colored my holidays. And it's what is affecting me on a daily basis right now. In some ways, it feels harder than my divorce.

But I'm not here to talk about the details of my relationship or its breakup. I am here to share how supportive my friends and family have been.

It is the complete opposite of what I experienced with infertility, failed treatments, and divorce.

When I didn't let anyone in.

During infertility, I was so embarrassed and ashamed. With failed treatments, I was devastated and hopeless. With divorce, I didn't know what to say. I was always private about the big stuff.

But now? I am struggling. And I have learned that I don't have to struggle in shame or silence. 

I don't even have to have any words in the moment. I can make a phone call and say "hello." I can send a text and say "hey." And when people reply, I can share what I am going through: a very, very painful breakup. That allows my family and friends to know what's going on and to be there for me.

I don't fault myself for not being open about infertility and failed treatments when I was going through it all. I couldn't be open back then. But I can be open now. And it is providing the much needed support that I deserve and that my loved ones want to give. 

Not to mention, several people have opened their homes to me. So if I had unlimited time and money, I'd be able to take some pretty nice trips, hahaha. But even though I can't travel all over the country right now, it's nice to receive the invitations.

I will get through this. And, yes, I am tired. I am so, so existentially tired. It's the last mile of a 12-year marathon, but it won't be the last challenge of my life. 

I'm proud of myself for reaching out. Even though our loved ones love us, it can be really hard to reach out for support. I am lucky to have the people that I have in my life. But that's also a testament to my hard work in maintaining relationships with people over the years. I am both lucky and hardworking.

I keep reminding myself of different phrases people have told me over the last month. My dad said, "You can do this. In fact, you are the only one that can," which really resonated with me. (I mean, just like with infertility, no one can go through a breakup for me.) I also have several girlfriends that are single, live alone, and love it. They have been encouraging without invalidating my pain. But the one thing that I really keep coming back to came from a fellow childless not-by-choice woman. She told me, "Be where you are." So throughout this whole process, I have been trying to do just that. Be where I am in that painful moment.

Reaching out and getting through...

Whatever you are going through, you will get through it. You just have to go through it to get through it. We all know you can't bypass the hard stuff. But if you can, reach out to someone. People want to support you.