Changes Over Time with My BFF

Out of all of my friends that I've written about on this blog, I haven't told you about the friend that I was closest to: my best friend from college. I met her within the first month or two of our first semester. She was so cool, and I wanted to be her friend. We were housemates the following year. She traveled abroad our third year and then we rented apartments in the same neighborhood our final year. It was so fun being her friend and I trusted her with everything. I was so anxious but outgoing, and she was so rational but shy in big groups. We were a good pair together. We complimented each other well. She helped me immensely.

We graduated college and continued to talk on the phone almost every day for the next couple of years. Then, inevitably, the demands of life increased and we no longer had as much free time to do that. But still, we were very much in touch.

When I got engaged, she was happy for me... But also sad for herself. She really, really wanted to be engaged. She and her boyfriend had been together for years and she was ready to get married. We talked openly about it and I said what we both already knew--that we weren't always going to be on the same timeline as each other. (Yes, this was some Real Life foreshadowing...)

My best friend and her boyfriend came to my wedding, even though it wasn't a destination they would have personally chosen. She was totally present with me and happy for me, and it was a great celebration. She and her boyfriend were engaged within the next six months, and my husband and I went to their wedding the following year. Yay! We were both newlyweds.

Then she called to tell me she was pregnant. And I was happy for her... But also sad for myself. I hadn't even started trying yet; my husband didn't want to. I also had a feeling of dread that it wasn't going to happen for me. And this was my best friend. She knew everything about me. She knew about my fear of infertility. I confided in her about it in college and she assured me I was worrying for nothing. She was the rational one. I tried to believe her.

And now she was pregnant. Which was great. But our lives were moving in different directions...

We didn't talk as much.

Several years and two kids later (two for her, none for me obviously), we were still loosely in touch. But she was busy with baby and toddler things. I was busy with fertility treatments and grief. I knew my life wouldn't be like this forever. Neither would hers. I hoped we'd reconnect again later down the road...

We always stayed in touch. But we lived on opposite sides of the country and did not have much in common, aside from our shared history in college. 

She had a third kid. I was surprised, but I'm sure she and her husband were more surprised, lol. They were already in the thick of things with parenting though, so, hey, what's one more? Haha. 

Anyway, the years passed by and life went on... Her kids and career were growing, and I was going back to school and moving a bunch just trying to find a place to land.

Then earlier this year, when I was going through the breakup (wow, that feels so long ago!), I texted her to let her know. She was so kind and supportive with her messages. And she also invited me on her family's summer vacation. Me with her, her husband, and their three kids.

And I realized, if I am going to meet my best friend's kids while they are still kids, I need to meet them NOW.

I couldn't believe she invited me on their freaking family vacation. We hadn't even seen each other in 12 years. I mean, I know her husband and I feel completely comfortable with both of them, but still... In a way, it was just a trip to see old friends. But with infertility, in another way, the trip was a lot to consider.

I did it. I went. I flew across the country and spent a week with my best friend from college and her family. And it was so awesome. Amazing. No regrets. So much fun. 10/10 will do it again.

(Obviously, working through everything and getting back together with my boyfriend was the best thing about the breakup. But the second best thing was going out of my comfort zone and taking that trip to see my best friend!)

Were there hard moments? Yes. Was it bittersweet? Also yes. But this is my life and I want to live it. I want to see my best friend and meet her kids and spend time with her family. Like I said in my previous post, it's the person that makes the difference in a situation. And my best friend is awesome. And so are her kids.