Yesterday I got an invitation to a baby shower, and I immediately responded with a yes. I knew the invitation was coming, and I had already decided to go. I'm sharing this because it shows how things can change over time.
After my experience with infertility, I swore I'd never go to another baby shower again. But then I ended up organizing a baby shower, haha. Now, five years later, I'm going to another one.
This baby shower is different from the others though. It is not for a friend. It is for a friend's daughter. Yes, because time marches on... I am no longer the age where my peers are getting pregnant. But I am at the age where my peers' young adult children are.
This is a new friend I've made in the last year, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know about my infertility. I mean, obviously, she knows I don't have kids. But we've never talked about it. Maybe she has picked up on what has led me to this point in my life, or maybe she hasn't...
But I'm definitely going to her daughter's baby shower. It wasn't a planned pregnancy, which doesn't matter, but the whole family is very excited. The shower will be a simple affair. My friend is hosting it at the library of our community college. (I'm excited to see the library! Lol.) I'm sure we'll play games and eat snacks and watch the mom-to-be open presents. Obviously, there will be talk about the baby that is coming and babies in general. Other women there will probably talk about their pregnancies and parenting experiences.
And I don't care. I'm excited to be invited. I'm looking forward to celebrating my friend's daughter.
I'm not making plans for after the shower in case it stirs up my emotions. But it might not. The truth is, I don't want to be pregnant anymore. That's not where I am in life. I don't think the shower will trigger an unmanageable yearning like it has in the past. Yes, I still get sad sometimes, but I also love my life. (And I also love that I finally have several friends in real life again that I can meet up with for dinner and gatherings.)
I'm even making a simple quilt for the baby. None of it makes me sad.
And that is worth celebrating!
Brava! (Again - yes, I’m reading posts in reverse!). How lovely of you to do all this. Doesn’t it make a difference when we realise we don’t want to be pregnant any more? That feeling of removal from the immediate grief and longing is liberating.
ReplyDeleteAlso, funny story. Years ago when I was trying to conceive, I made a padded quilt (not traditional style) for my niece. I decided to do something bright, and bought pink leopard skin printed fabric. I was quite excited about it. It wasn’t until I was buying the fabric, and the sales assistant mentioned the baby must be a girl, that I realised I didn’t know!!! (luckily she was) I just liked the print! lol
Yes! It feels very liberating to not want to be pregnant anymore. I also don't feel a longing to have toddlers anymore either. My kids would be older than that by now.
DeleteHaha, that's hilarious about buying the pink leopard print fabric before you knew the sex of the baby. But it's very important to work with fabric we love! :)