Wednesday, December 28, 2016

The Space In Between

I really love the space in between Christmas and New Year's. I feel like the world finally slows down, if only for just a little bit.

I normally don't like the spaces in between. I hate commuting. I'm actually not very fond of traveling. I just want to be there, wherever I am. Home, work, vacation. I want to be there. Not getting there.

I didn't really like being engaged either. I mean, it was fine. But I liked both dating and being married more than being engaged. Being engaged was just an intermediary stage.

Even though everything is temporary, including our destinations, the spaces in between have just never been my favorite.

Of course my least favorite "in between space" that I've ever felt was trying to conceive. Not a mom and not even pregnant, I hated the space in between being a newlywed and becoming a family with children. All the waiting, waiting, waiting while I wasn't even looking forward to being pregnant. Pregnancy was just something I was going to get through to get what I ultimately wanted. But the heartbreak on top of the waiting... And then the ugly feelings like jealousy and devastation when months turned into years... And then all the spaces in between once we started medical intervention. Waiting for cycle day 1. Waiting for follicle growth. Waiting for my lining to thicken. Waiting for the insemination, retrieval, transfer... Waiting for the phone call that said how many fertilized or whether or not I was pregnant... Blah. It sucked. I'm halfway sorry I just typed all that out just now. So glad all of that is in my past.

But the spaces in between, though not my favorite, are also valuable. Not to get too "out there," but the spaces in between are just as important as where we begin and where we end up. It is often where we are in the present moment and it's important to accept wherever we are. It's where we learn about ourselves. And others. It's where we breathe. In and out, in and out, in and out.

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