Thursday, December 29, 2016

Update: When Someone Else Goes Through Treatment

I have been loving these past couple of weeks, meeting up with friends I hadn't seen since I started school in the fall. It's been great to see everyone and catch up. Two of the people my husband and I met up with were the couple that I posted about previously, the ones going through fertility treatment. Although she's been open on social media, I did not know the details. Well, in just a few words I was able to figure out exactly their situation. They've already had retrieval, did genetic testing, and have three fertilized embryos to transfer.

(Even though the husband is one of my husband's best friends, they never knew what all we did. I had only previously shared with the wife that we had tried some things if she needed someone to listen who had actually been through it. Despite having this blog and putting my most private thoughts and feelings on the internet, my husband and I are actually extremely private people.)

Anyway, since she had been open on social media, I asked her how she was doing and if everything was going well. She shared a few surface details, and I don't think she was expecting me to be so familiar with the terminology because I immediately knew what all she was talking about- no explanation necessary. So since I understood so well and so quickly, it became quite obvious that my husband and I had been through IVF. Soon, we were all complaining about how the process seems to take over your life. Turns out her husband loved giving her the trigger shot about as much as mine did. (They didn't. At all.) 

They seemed a little bit surprised that we were so well versed in the process, so they quickly realized we had been through it all and we obviously don't have any children. That was my only concern in being open with them. I didn't want our results to discourage them. I really, really hope it works for them. I want everyone who wants a child to have a child but especially this friend. She is one of those truly special, exceptional women.

She seemed concerned that they only had three embryos and I told her that was a lot, to ignore the women who were complaining they only got 15 eggs or only 5 fertilized or whatever. She said they were going to transfer them one at a time and hope for the best.

In a quiet moment in the conversation when our husbands were talking about something else, the wife looked at me and asked, "Are you done?" And I said, "Yes." She took a minute to kind of take that in. 

I told her, "You will get through this. Whatever happens, you will get through this." I nodded toward her husband and told her, "You are not going through this alone and you are not going through this with a dumbass." Her eyes got big for a second and then she laughed and said, "You're right. I'm not going through this with a dumbass." (Her husband is an amazing guy, very fun, kind, and sensitive.)

And then the conversation moved on to much lighter, easier topics. 

My biggest concern was the fact that now she knows we tried IVF and it obviously didn't work for us. I want her to stay hopeful for as long as possible, as long as that hope is healthy for her. But, since it didn't work for us, I hope she sees me as someone who is surviving. Not only surviving, but I am also living. She has watched me try to rebuild my life over the last several years and she has been very supportive of me. She even gave me a Back To School present this fall, a bucket full of school supplies and candy with a very sweet card. So she knows that I've almost completely changed my life.

I just hope my experience doesn't make her sad, anxious, or even more worried. I hope I am showing her that life can still be good even after dealing with one of the worst things ever.


  1. I think the message that she will get through this, whatever happens, is an important one. I'm glad you were able to give it to her.

    Besides, I'm sure she's met people who've been through IVF and who have the baby/ies. If not, her IVF clinic will be full of photos of couples who have walked away with the prize. So I'm glad she has a role model on the road-frequently-travelled-but-much-less-talked-about - a great role model with a happy lifestyle, trying new and exciting things.