I think it goes back to what he told me once, that raising kids was my lifelong dream but it wasn't his. I think he could be there for me because he wasn't traumatized. But because he wasn't traumatized, he didn't undergo a massive transformation like I did while recovering from infertility. In fact, other than his wife falling apart, he didn't really have anything to recover from. We made a new life plan together and he always supported me through it, but I guess he didn't want to move and change as much as we both thought he wanted to. So, even though I said I wasn't going to blog about it, that's what I've come up with in a nutshell with regard to trying to understand the abrupt ending to my marriage.
Like I said, the biggest loss for me in my divorce was losing my main support. I lost the one person who stood by me and saw and understood everything I went through while trying to conceive.
Thankfully, I have you all.
Our community understands my pain, my loss, and my joy despite my pain and loss. Thank you.
When I feel alone, I can log on and reach out to connect, read to feel understood, and write to cry, vent, and/or celebrate. Thank you.
And, it was perfectly timed for right when I needed it, Mali published a book (which I promptly purchased, read, and reread).
The support I receive from you and from our community... It's priceless. Invaluable.
Thank you.
Oh wow. I'm so glad my little book helped you!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad our community can reach out to be your support too, and selfishly, I'm glad you're still here writing. (Also, I'm always available by email too, if you (or anyone) ever wants to talk.)
I hope you know too that just be writing here, on this blog, you are helping others. Others who feel alone, who may be going through what you have gone through, who just want to know that there are people out there experiencing similar emotions. And that is huge.
dear Phoenix,
ReplyDeleteI am also always there for you. If you ever feel like writing to me, here is my email: klara.soncek (at) gmail. com
As Mali wrote - I am also selfishly glad that you are back to writing. And I agree with Mali - by writing you are helping others.
lots of love from sLOVEnia,
Klara
Sending you so much love, endings are so hard. I'm glad you have this space for support, both getting and giving. I was just looking at Mali's book today! It's such a special compilation. I'm sorry things have been so ending heavy for you, but I hope all these terminuses lead to new beginnings and the bright future you so deserve. Hugs, lady!
ReplyDeleteDear Phoenix,
ReplyDeleteI'm thankful too for your support and writing!
I'm sorry you lost your support with your husband. I thought of this recently, that only my husband really knows what I've been through, because he was the only one who saw my tears, heard me shouting and experienced my devastation.
I think I also understand this "developing apart" from each other when only one person needs to move forward. It is so sad. But I'm glad to read that you are patient with yourself. I hope the fog will disappear and that you will enjoy your new experiences, like the sewing class :-)
Again, I am sorry. :( You know we are here for you, although we can't be with you "in person."
ReplyDeleteDo you read Mrs. Spit's blog? She is childless after loss, and has also gone through a divorce recently. (Duh... just saw her blog in your blogroll on the side of the page. :) )
A lovely message Phoenix. You are a major part of the support network too, for others. I find no one in real life understands our situation, our thoughts, feelings - even though I consider myself 'alright' these days, I still get disgruntled that it's as if my infertility/ivf/childlessness has been completely consigned to ancient history by all my family and friends. It definitely is only this community that empathise. I too am so sorry you lost the support that was your husband, that's hard, even if the divorce was the best thing to do. Get in touch if ever you need to x
ReplyDelete