This week marks five years. Five years since my last treatment didn't result in pregnancy.
Five years since I decided to stop trying to become a mom and start changing my life.
5 years, 4 addresses, 3 jobs, 2 (and a half) years of graduate school, and 1 divorce later...
I am happy.
Or at least I was. Until a couple of weeks ago.
Now I feel anxious and uncertain.
Which brings me back to five years ago...
So many unwelcome feelings of today take me back to the darkest years of my life.
I am a survivor.
I survived infertility.
I survived all of its trauma and devastation.
This is an important anniversary for me and it is all my own. I do not share it with anyone. Nobody even knows about it. Nobody I know is aware of this pivotal date in my life and nobody I know can relate to my loss. Except you all. You all know my grief and my strength. Thank you.
I've written about my survivor anniversary every year I've had this blog:
My 2nd Survivor Anniversary
My 3rd Survivor Anniversary
My 4th Survivor Anniversary
In terms of today and this point in time, I am at a loss for words right now.
As we all know, sometimes there are no words.
Although this post is shorter than in previous years, the message is still the same:
We Are Survivors.