Thursday, March 11, 2021

My Name is Mine

I did it. 

Almost two years after my divorce was finalized, I finished changing my name on everything.

I cried a lot.
I hated every step of the process.
It gave me a stomachache every time.

But I did it!

Now my name is mine and mine only. 

I no longer have the same last name that my children would have had. It may not seem like a big deal for some, but to me it was huge. I was NEVER going to change my last name. But I did it for my kids. I wanted the same last name as them and, understandably, so did my husband at the time. So I changed my mind, changed my name, and looked forward to raising my children.

But my children never came.

It's a relief to have my name back.
I'm glad I don't have that nominal reminder anymore. 

I have a mother's love. My children will always be in my heart.
But now my last name is no longer a painful reminder of my children who never came to be.


  1. I'm glad you have your name back. This is another example of the loss that is part of infertility and childlessness that most people don't understand. You lost your name, then you needed to lose the name that your children would have had, so that is another major loss, even if it is a relief that it has been done now. Sending hugs.

    1. It IS another series of loss. Thank you for recognizing that, but of course you would. <3

  2. Dear Phoenix, I am glad for you! Hugs. Klara

  3. I don't think I've ever heard anyone mention this subject before, Phoenix, so thank you for giving a voice to it!

    Sort of related story for you: My university roommate was married for a while (separated & divorced while we were at university) and went through the whole process of changing her name back to her maiden name (which at that time & place required a lawyer, money and a whole lot of paperwork)... she had JUST gone through the process of changing her name back and... her wallet (with all her newly acquired ID in her old/maiden name) was stolen! So she had to go through all the rigamorole of getting all her ID replaced, AGAIN. Needless to say, when she married again a few years later, she kept her maiden name! ;)

    1. Oh gosh, what a headache for your roommate!

      Changing your name on everything here requires legal paperwork as well. You need your divorce decree and another thing called an order to restore your name. It's annoying, but, for me, it was also emotional. To say I'm glad it is done is an understatement!

  4. Sending you so much love and congratulations and a hug. Our situations were different, but I changed my name THE SECOND I got my divorce decree, because I did not want any link to that horrible man to linger. But, it is CRAZY how expensive and annoying it is to change your name as a woman. I've done it three times, and I nearly didn't take Bryce's name (but did when my dad said "that's a dead sexy name, you HAVE to take it!") because it was such a pain.

    I'm glad that those is another milestone behind you. I get the grief that goes with it. Sending a big squeezy hug.

    1. Gahhh, so glad that it is DONE!

      Thank you for understanding my grief. <3

  5. I love the way you put this: that your name is yours, that it's not a painful reminder, and that you can make your name mean what you want it to mean. Sending huge hugs.

  6. Dear Phoenix,
    I can fully relate to your experience. When I got married, I decided to change my name exactly for the same reason as you, to bear the same name as our children. Finally I couldn't do it because the French and the German law are not compatible.
    I think my new name would have reminded me of my unborn children too. I'm glad you managed to get back your name :)

    1. Thank you for your understanding. <3 I'm sorry you weren't able to change your name, but I'm glad you didn't have to go through the process of changing your name back.