We can get so much calm and satisfaction from certainty, even when that certainty is an illusion. So it makes sense that being in a state of limbo can drive us crazy. Well, that's where I am again: in the in between space of what happened before and what will happen next.
limbo (noun) —
an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place.
a place or state of imprisonment or confinement.
I don't like it.
Enduring the pandemic and unemployment is a very stressful and anxiety-producing time period. Here I am, just waiting waiting waiting. Waiting for my vaccine. Waiting to hang out with people again. Waiting to go eat at a restaurant. Waiting to take a trip somewhere. Waiting to get a job. Waiting to make money (so I can go eat at a restaurant and go take a trip somewhere).
All this waiting... It's just like... Well, you know.
Having experience with something IS helpful. I'm thankful for that. I am doing my best to practice acceptance that this is my life right now. I wake up in the same house and do the same things every day (eat, shower, dishes, sew, read)... It's a little boring, but I remind myself it would be much, much worse if I didn't have a place to live, food to eat, or hobbies to do. I can handle being bored. I can handle being lonely. Unfortunately, once I was honest with myself, being bored and lonely was a big part of my marriage. Being bored and lonely was definitely a big part of infertility. So, like I said, I have experience on my side.
What is next? I don't know...
I really don't like this time period. I remind myself that it is temporary. My goal is to have a job by July, but it could happen even sooner. I'm applying for remote jobs right now, holding off on applying for in-person jobs for a couple more months. I'm thankful I can hibernate during the pandemic, even though it is boring and lonely. At least I am safe.
Thinking of everyone! I know this is dragging on and we are all really tired of it. I am always here. I check my blog almost every day. So I will be here, riding out this time in limbo...