I think if I waited until I had my thoughts perfectly collected and perfectly articulated I would never post, so I think I'll just jump in and write. So there probably won't be any grand organization to this blog, just a collection of thoughts that reflect what's on my mind on any given day. Hopefully the blog will get better over time, as I learn how to insert tags and links, but, hey, no promises! :)
First and foremost, I want to give a HUGE thank you to all of the bloggers that have been writing for years. There are several blogs that I have read from start to finish, and there are many blogs that I check almost daily to satiate my craving for connection and understanding. They have all contributed to my healing and to my ability to keep moving forward, no matter how slowly I was crawling in the beginning.
Infertility devastated me. It was tragic and traumatizing. My whole life dream was to be a mom. Nearly every decision I made in my life was made with the idea that I would be a mother someday. When it didn't happen, I became very depressed. Ha! "Very depressed" is an understatement. I felt isolated from society and alienated from my peer group. Not only did I not have what I wanted (what I felt I was born to be) and it seemed like everyone else did, I received no compassion, sympathy, or empathy. I received no acknowledgement for what I'd lost and what I'd been through. I kept thinking, "#@&%!!! Where's my damn casserole? Aren't loved ones supposed to reach out in times like these??"
So I turned to the internet, where I learned about disenfranchised grief and found other women who were bravely writing and sharing their stories. I have yet to meet any of them, but I am so grateful for these bloggers. Infertility isn't fatal, but these women may have saved my will to live.
The first blog I came across was Infertility Honesty. Oh. My. God. Thank you Sarah!!!! Your writing. I am speechless. But you put words to so many thoughts and feelings that had been swirling inside of me for years. You helped me breathe again.
From there, I learned about our pioneer, Pamela Tsigdinos, and her book Silent Sorority.
Then it just grew.
Klara from The Next 15000 Days
Loribeth at The Road Less Travelled
Mali at No Kidding in NZ
Bent Not Broken
I was not alone!!! I was not crazy! I was even entitled to my feelings!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my broken, healing heart to these pioneering bloggers and their courage and willingness to be vulnerable on the internet. Thank you.