Life is good, but it's been busy. I'm thankful I had a day off from both jobs today.
You know, honestly, I think I'm still sad several times a week about not having kids. A minute here, a moment there. Comments are made; normal experiences that I'll never have are shared. My thoughts and feelings come and go throughout the natural course of the day.
But my moments of sadness are not debilitating like they used to be. They no longer paralyze me or imprison me or completely drain me or rob me of all peace, joy, and contentedness.
However, I think it's still important that I'm aware of when and why I'm sad and to validate my feelings to myself. Because it's been several years, it can be easy to think everything infertility-related is in the past when it still very well shapes my present and my future.
The acute grief period has passed, but recovery is a lifelong thing. A process of healing and adjusting. It is for me anyway. And it's important that I stay open to seeing the various ways that not having kids makes my life very different from most other people I know in real life.
Because what I've survived is significant. And unrecognized. And ongoing.
Amen to validating these feelings to yourself. It's definitely an ongoing process. I'm sorry you've been caught by sad everyday moments, and glad you can stop and reflect and validate. ❤️
ReplyDeleteThank you very much Jess. It's always nice to share here because I always feel understood.
DeleteIn the scheme of things, you're still relatively early in the whole process, so it is perfectly normal to feel what you're feeling, recognise and validate those feelings. And as you said, it will also shape your present and your future. The sadness will fade, but pop its head up when we least expect it. I'm sorry you (or any of us) feel it, but so glad (and proud) that you are being kind to yourself and not beating yourself up for it. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mali!!! So, so much.
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